A site examining metaphysical forensics & the manipulation of thought

Posts tagged ‘Ritual Sacrifice’

Things Perpetraitors (Handlers) Say to Justify Torture

Things Perpetraitors Say to Justify Gang-Stalking, Street Theater, Directed Conversation, and Electronic Harassment:

(By the way, I misspell perpetrator as “perpetraitor” on purpose, because that is what they are: traitors who are perps)

If you remember a game show called “The 100,000 Dollar Pyramid”, the title of this document might give you a tiny laugh.

The target is sick. The target is a loser. The target is a bully (what a joke). The target was born out of wedlock, which makes them a bastard, and God doesn’t care about them anyway. The target is gay. The target is anti-gay. The target is a drug user. The target is a bum. The target is a racist. The target is a child-molester. The target is stupid. The target is a whore. The target is a slut. The target is ugly. The target is evil. The target is the devil, or a demon. The target is an MK Ultra victim, and they don’t want any witnesses. The target is “just a bitch”. The target is a pervert. The target is crazy. The target did bad things to people in the past. The target has a record. The target is a bad parent. The target eats cheesecake (that one’s just me trying to have a sense of humor about all of this). The target knows too much. The target is too old. The target is too young. The target is an embarrassment (to their cult, perhaps).

The accusations levied against the target may or may not be true. Many times, the target was born into this program, set up on purpose to make them look bad, after much trauma, sort of like torturing an animal and blaming the animal for reacting to being psychologically tortured and for fighting back. Often, the target is a victim of mind control, to a greater degree than the general population that is, and is being blamed for things they did as a result of a most wicked form of mind control, using trauma, among other things, and sometimes even implants.


The perpetraitors possibly do not know the whole truth about the individual they are destroying. They have probably been told half-truths and/or outright lies about the individual whom they are targeting. The target may have been handed off from one group of perps to the next, with each successive group being told only part of the story. Since, in many cases, the target has been a target since birth, through programs such as the Monarch Program or MK Ultra, they have been mind controlled throughout their lives, unbeknownst to them, and possibly unbeknownst to the perp as well.

If you are a nonconsensual human experimentee, like me, then you probably know what I am talking about. Many of you who have read my articles or watched my YouTube videos already know that I found implants in my ears in 2008. That means I have possibly been an experimentee since I was born and kept at a hospital, for the first 6 weeks of my life, in the custody of an adoption agency. This also means that anything I did while under the influence of these implants, which may indeed be cochlear implants, is directly attributable to those who are using these implants to influence my life, since I never consented to the procedure.

Mind Control does not equal consent.

However, according to these perpetraitors, I have already been judged.

Some of you who have been targeted are aware of something called the “Truman Show Effect”. We call it that because, as targets, we see bits and pieces of our life stories displayed in movies, music, and tell-a-vision. This leads me to the conclusion that we, the victims in this horrible and inhumane crime, are like slaves, whereby all of our intellectual property is stolen from us, and others get to profit from our suffering. It is the most disgusting crime that could ever be thought up, since the victim (so far) has no real proof, the perpetraitors have plausible deniability, and the nation denies that slavery even exists.

The scary part is that when I looked back over my life, I have noticed this effect going on to some degree throughout it. One example of this is the fact that when I was very young, maybe about 6 or 7, I had this thought: “What if the world around us, that we see, isn’t actually real? What if it is like some kind of movie, covering our field of vision?” I had no idea about virtual reality back then, and this was how I put the concept into words. Years later, I would see Disney come out with the 365 degree movies at Epcot. Eventually, I would see the concept in movies such as “The Matrix” and “Dark City”. It seems to me that someone or some group has VIP access to the collective consciousness and is able to steal from people who are held down for just such a purpose. Some of you may see how this is done on both physical and metaphysical levels.

Now, it seems, that is what I am seeing in this world. It is a world where we are made to believe that everyone has the same chance in life, but it is hardly the case. It has become a world where our  intellectual property is stolen, and then they sell it back to us in the form of music, movies, and tell-a-vision. What if there is a whole section of the population going through this on some level. One example would be how there are inventors who have become targeted individuals. Another would be how Renee Caisse, who invented ESSIAC Tea, had sold her idea to a pharmaceutical company that shelved it, after promising that they would research and develop her formula. Another would be how Ayn Rand died not too long after she, and the producer of the film “Atlas Shrugged”, had an argument about her wanting artistic rights to make a certain scene the way she wanted. During the argument, the producer said something like, “That’s all right, I’ll just wait until you die and make the movie how I want to”.

This happens all the time, although most people either don’t notice it or don’t want to admit to it. I bet that all these people writing in blogs are being stolen from, in some form or another. “We live in a wheel where everyone steals” is what I heard the band “Bush” say some time ago. I would hope that this form of slavery doesn’t last forever, because I fear it causes major problems in people’s lives, probably on a subliminal level, and they are possibly disturbed by the sense that they are being ripped off, but cannot put their finger on what is really going on. As a result of this subconscious feeling that you are being robbed, you may have emotional issues that end up affecting the way you interact with others. Eventually, this will get used against you, even though it cannot truly be blamed on you.

Would those who perpetrate this horrible crime on victims continue to do so if they were conscious of what we victims have been going through as a result of this legal type of slavery? Any negative karma generated by the slave happens as a direct result of living in reaction to an unknown cause of suffering, and that karma must be reaped by those who benefit from the slave’s misery of being a slave in a society that refuses to admit that slavery even exists. When someone who is not of a privileged class tries to do something that is not a typical vocation for a lower to middle class individual, they often end up becoming overtly targeted, whereas before that point, they probably didn’t notice the targeting was happening.

It seems to be a form of psychic vampirism, whereby the target is a victim, and the perpetraitors are the vampires. The victims are bled dry of their creative inspiration, their resources, and any of their forms of support. The targets are made to look crazy with the evil technologies being used against them, whether through the use of implants (mine are located in my ears), some form of heterodyning, occult magic, negative thought forms, directed energy weapons. I have researched enough to know they have a huge arsenal at their disposal.

I am led to wonder if all targets are set up since birth. Are we told a big lie about how this is the “land of the free and the home of the brave”, and how this country is about, “liberty and justice for all”, while everyone else knows the truth, but aren’t telling? Does everyone know that we are targets who were used since birth by the vampires around us? I have been told that I am a ritual sacrifice, which is why my life looks like someone upstairs was playing a big joke on me.

Numerology does seem to play some kind of a role in the lives of various targeted individuals I have met. Could that be how many of us are picked out at birth, possibly stolen through adoption and sold into these sick programs of covert slavery? I guarantee that if you are a REAL target, you have either the 12 or 11 in your numerology, if not both, and if not, then I bet you might have the letters AN in your name somewhere, especially if combined with a C or CH.

Here’s what they Ought to say, to be Closer to the Truth of the Situation:

We traumatize you from birth, and then we blame you for not being perfect. We make you nuts, and then blame you for being that way. We steal from you on so many levels, and then blame you for feeling the need to hold onto things (which we call selfishness). We torture your mind, and then blame you for reacting to it. We steal your intellectual property, and then blame you for feeling disturbed. We ruin your life, and then blame you for not being able to make your way in the world. We turn your whole life upside-down, and then blame you for being negative. We cause you physical and mental problems, but then deny you disability. We program you from birth, and then blame you for not being what you were supposed to be, had we not messed with your head in the first place. (And in my case) We make you spend half your childhood in a house of mirrors, and then blame you for being a narcissist. (Also in my case) We place every importance on your body as a woman, and then blame you for being too focused on your body.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the world of the double bind, designed to cause cognitive dissonance in those who are the designated sacrifices. Problem, Reaction Solution: They cause the problem in you, and then demonize you for your reaction, and the apparent solution is torturing you to death.

I even heard one of them tell me that we are just food to them. Let them reap that karma, all of it, including any karma caused as a result of what the target has most likely been put through since birth.

Video of my implants: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74Os-iN9J0Q


Occult & Technological Practices Used on TIs

For those of you who see how there is a bigger, occult picture to the plight of targeted individuals (TI), I ask you to read this with an open mind, and please bear with me, as I know I am repeating a few things I have stated in other posts. This post is about the occult and technological practices used on me and other targeted individuals. I will come out with another post soon, God willing, breaking down this stuff, in a list, in separate groups, under a new heading.

After doing some research, due to my own unfortunate situation of being an unwitting test subject with actual implants (that anyone can see & feel), I have discovered that this nation has a history of doing unethical experiments on unwitting victims. If you were adopted, this may be the case for you.

From Wikipedia:

“Many of these tests were performed on children, the sick, and mentally disabled individuals, often under the guise of “medical treatment”. In many of the studies, a large portion of the subjects were poor, racial minorities, or prisoners.”


I am struck by the numbers of seemingly intelligent people who deny what has been happening to me, even after I show them the implants in my head. Given the placement of these implants (as shown below), I am saddened by my current situation of being a “scapegoat“.



After doing some research into adoption scandals, it becomes glaringly obvious that I have been used as an experiment for some very evil, disgusting people, & that I was possibly stolen from my mother at birth, she being told that I was dead, especially when you consider the fact that I was held in custody of this agency for the first six weeks of my life before being placed into an adoptive family, even though my birthmother was supposedly matched up with my adoptive mother long before I was born.


Although I have tried to contact the agency I was adopted through, I have not yet received a response. Is it that hard for someone to believe that I might have been stolen from my mother at birth, to be used for this hideous program of implantation with RFIDs & mind control?


Considering the fact that the system in place, which allows for these experiments to take place, is and always has been heavily involved in occult and evil practices, whereby they seem to like to “play God“, so to speak, how can I keep my mouth shut?

I am now the unfortunate recipient of voices through these implants, which tell me that I am a ritual sacrifice, that I was engineered to 12th Trump from the Thoth Tarot Deckborn on 12/12 to be that sacrifice, and tell me exactly how my life was ruined through, not only  through the use of these blasted implants (I am trying not to cuss), not only through the use of mind control via tell-a-vision, movies, and mu-sic, but also through the rampant and uncontrolled use of symbolism in astrology & tarot, which are archetypes that infect the collective consciousness, & the individual’s subconscious, in the form of memes. In my case, as seen in the Crowley-Harris Thoth deck’s 12th trump, I was not only hanging upsidedown from an Egyptian heiroglyph meaning life, but a serpent is attached to my head. I have heard that Crowley was an MI6 agent, and a known satanist. Notice that the figure is also unconscious and has hardly any mouth. Could this have something to do with why so many people ignore me? By the way, many of you who know me, know that mu=”12th letter of the greek alphabet”, and sic=”as intentionally so written”. Wouldn’t a person in this metaphysical position have serious issues? It’s a miracle I didn’t end up worse than I am. The upsidedown triangle in the lower right of the card indicates that the victim is female. It seems I have been framed.


So, I cannot help but feel as if I am being punished for my actions in this life, which were directly affected by all of the things mentioned above, and therefore, I feel the need to defend myself.

I am now the target for all the things that TIs talk about regarding the torture I experience on a daily basis. I get the pinpricks, the itching, the burning, the constant pain, the gang-stalking, street-theater routine, and I have to watch as bits & pieces of my own story get played out in the various forms of media (tell-a-vision, mu-sic, & movies), as do many victims (I have heard one other TI call this the “Truman Show Effect”). This is apparently how victims are farmed for the creative inspiration that naturally results from living in a state of severe but unspeakable oppression. They’ve got this down to a science, folks.

Of course, when I try to put videos out about it, I get the online harassment from some very cruel and heartless people who cannot possibly think I am crazy when I only posted about my implants and the history of how RFIDs have been used as early as the 1950s, by people like Dr. Jose Delgado, which is a well known fact, & quite easy to research. The fact that I posted a video about my RFIDs & not 15 minutes later, was attacked by at least 20 commenters, lets me know that there are indeed, disinfo agents out there, just waiting for the chance to earn a few bucks by attacking a target who is speaking the truth. Discrediting the victim is a huge part of their wicked, perverted game.

Here is one other example of how a disinfo agent might work. My youtube user name is the same name I have on this site (musicis2words). On youtube, not long after I began to make videos, I saw a user with the moniker, “ignoramusky”, as in “ignore-a-mu-ski”. Is that a joke? Is he getting paid to do that? Must be quite a cushy job. Or how about the job of those who are tasked with the responsibility of surgically mutilating another individual? How are they able to live with themselves, anyway?

I am sadly reminded of the infamous Stanley Milgram experiment where people were willing to administer shocks to others, even to the point of causing heart pain, simply because they were told to.




In the end of it all, I am all too aware of how my freewill was stolen from me at birth, and on both physical (implants) and metaphysical (archetypes) levels. Since this is no longer deniable, as I am sure my stalkers are well aware, it becomes very difficult for me to live with the day-to-day degrading and humiliating messages coming from stalkers, both online, in person, and via synthetic telepathy through these implants.

The fact remains that, in my head, at each ear, is damning evidence against those who willingly put implants in my head to control my thoughts, emotions, and even my behavior; and in the tarot and astrology is damning evidence that there are indeed occultist elites, running the world, who set individuals like me up, to be made to do things against our will, which makes them directly responsible. I believe this is why I am being tortured. I think they want me dead before I can prove, on a larger scale, what was done to me.

All my life, I felt this absence of higher power, or God. When I was a little girl, I loved God, and wanted to serve Him. The bible says that God grantd human beings freewill, but I am saying that humans have taken away a large measure of freewill just through the “graven images” (images that have become engraven into the collective consciousness) of the tarot and astrology, among other things. The bible says that God loves the truth, but I have found it increasingly difficult to get anyone to see the truth about what was done to me. What in the world is going on here?

Could I be correct in my attributing the upsidedown nature of our world today to the fact that we are living in years surrounding 2012, and the 12th trump of the tarot is an upsidedown figure in most decks (of which there are over 1,000)? Did those who invented the tarot make that card like that on purpose? Getting it in a reading is supposed to mean “redemption through sacrifice“, and although my life sure has seemed like one big sacrifice, I have yet to find redemption, in the biblical sense of the term. To me this card is a misuse of what is known as “the butterfly effect“, whereby a repetion of a vibration increases its amplification.

Okay, so I am ranting now, but everything that I have discovered over the past four and a half years have led me to this point. I so desperately want for the real God, the one who loves each and every one of His creations, to see the truth, and to stop letting me be blamed, and to stop letting me be used, abused, and killed in the process. It’s no wonder that someone in my position would feel this way. I am accused of all sorts of things that are patently false, as well as some things I am responsible for. However, if I was mind controlled my whole entire life, how can I be blamed? I mean, its not just the archetypal memes, the TV, music, or movies, but it is also mind control via implants, which is the most insidious form of mind control I can think of.

It was in 2008 that I discovered the implants, and ever since I have heard audible voices, but for how long was someone “whispering in my ears” before I became aware of these things? The idea that a person will not do something under hypnosis that they are not willing to do while conscious has been disproven, so it should be obvious that until I became aware of what was happening, I had been living under a state of post-hypnotic suggstion.

For many TIs, life seems like a world where you are the butt of a humungous joke that, until now, everyone has been aware of, but you… and the joke is, suprise, you’re being sacrificed! What if this was engineered the whole time that the TI has been living? Would the so-called “higher self” somehow know this, and have serious issues throughout life because of it?

If you are a TI, I ask you to see if you have the 12 in your numerology. It may explain much. Many TIs I have met either have the 12 in their numerology, or they are double digit birthdates.

Another commonality is that many female TIs have some form of the name “Anne”, either as a first or middle name. Imagine my suprise on a TI forum, when I saw the moderator’s email was “anna-advocate”, but her group name was “Jo-Jo-Jive”. I could just be reading into it, but after what I have been through, I am sensitized to this kind of thing. For example, having initials that spell “cat” is used to dehumanize me by my stalkers, but when I looked back on my life and remembered how a woman with the last name “skinner” was able to steal and use my ideas, being reminded of the phrase “skin the cat”, I am again made to feel like my life is a cruel joke.

It is really just covert slavery, which is worse than regular slavery, because the enslaver won’t even admit that it is happening.

May all TIs find relief from this heinous crime.

Here we are in 2012, & I Am Still Alive

Here We are, in 2012, & I Am Still Alive:

It is my fear that I was sold into slavery via my adoption (through Catholic Charities), just to be implanted at birth, so I could be the subject of a most insidious form of mind control, via post hypnotic suggestion from these implants, so that I could be made to sign a contract, against my will, in order to be a ritual sacrifice for these evil creatures that should get eaten by their own kind for what they’ve done. Knowing that I would be searching for God, and that I was disheartened by actions of the various religions of the world, this would be easy for them to do.

I cannot blame Catholic Charities directly, because I can no longer find the article where I saw that they were indicted for child trafficking, although I did see it in a news story on television. Since I cannot back up the claim with any proof, I cannot make the claim.

That being said, most people who have done any research on children who are used in experiments are frequently from orphanages. Also, there are many speakers on the subject of mind control who I have heard mention that people sell their own children into experimentation programs. It also must be noted that many targeted individuals that I know are adopted or were in foster homes.


I guess I’m lucky to be alive right now, considering what I’ve been up against. I have implants in my head (photos below), at each ear, that deliver voices, pain, and strange humming vibrations into my brain, and I don’t know how long it has been going on. They only became consciously audible in 2008, but they might’ve been subliminally influencing me since they were put in. It seems like everyone around me is either in denial, or they know what’s been happening to me and they just don’t want to face the truth. In case you doubt the possibility of me being implanted, please see this: http://www.mindcontrolforums.com/v/robert-naeslund.htm

I am writing this in an effort of self-defense, because I am constantly hearing voices that seem to be judging me in absentia. Who they are, I do not know. I wish they would talk to me to my face though. Without knowing what my life has been like, how can anyone judge me? I am not currently breaking any laws, even though I am in horrible, constant pain and cannot seem to get any real treatment for it because I have no insurance.
I ask the reader to learn a little about secret societies and occult practices before they judge me to be insane. Adepts in the occult are able to manipulate the mundane using metaphysical practices, whether the victim believes in them or even knows about them. Most people will agree that people usually display the traits of their astrological signs. It is my contention that the archetypes of both the zodiac and the tarot are injected in to the collective consciousness, on purpose, to manipulate human behavior on a metaphysical level, which takes away freewill. In my opinion, it is the precise reason why the 2nd commandment of the Decalogue states “no graven images”: because these images are not only “fraught with danger or harm”, but they have also become “engraven” into the hive mind. Look up the word “graven” as a past participle of the word “grave”, to further understand this point.

Is it any wonder that newer versions of the bible leave that exact phrase out?
It is easy to mind control a female child who is missing both a daddy and a mommy in her life, who was engineered to be born on a specific birthdate to tie her to an upside-down archetype12thTrumpLudovica.

The image to the right, while not from a deck, is a painting done by Ludovica Wing Shuen Price, and is most likely inspired by the Thoth deck, and to a lesser extent, the Hermetic Tarot. It seems to illustrate what I have been going through. This painting can be found here: http://www.elfwood.com/art/l/u/ludovica/the_hanged_man.jpg.html
There are at least 2 decks (that have been gaining in popularity over the past few years), that show a serpent at the head of the victim, and an upside-down Ankh (which is the Egyptian symbol for life and fertility). Most people know that the word “live” spelled backwards is “evil”. Could this be applicable in the case of those with the #12 in their numerology? Was this done because someone didn’t like the way the bible featured that number so much? You know: Jesus had 12 apostles; there were the 12 tribes of Israel; the showbread consisted of 12 loaves; during the period of the judges, 12 judges judged Israel; Solomon appointed 12 officers over Israel; etc. I mean, it does seem like someone had a negative intent behind making the 12th trump of the tarot like this. At least, it would seem that way to someone whose life has manifested in the way illustrated on that card.
With so many printings of over 1000 tarot decks on the market today, with the 12th trump an upside-down or otherwise crucified figure, is it any wonder 2012 has society in such a mess today? These archetypes have becomes memes that have infected the collective consciousness, causing people to believe and behave in ways consistent with their archetype. I beg that people just become aware of what might happen to a person born on 12/12, given the associated tarot archetype, and the statement at the top of this paragraph. Is it because of my archetype that I was forced to be right-handed, against my natural, God-given left-handed nature? Symbolically, doing this would take someone out of their proverbial “right mind”. By making my life upside-down and backwards, did an archetype, created by human beings, virtually remove my freewill, simply because of my birthdate?
Most of accepted experts of the occult and secret societies know about the kind of stuff I am writing about in this and other documents. It is my understanding that ritual sacrifices are done in order to promote someone to a higher place, monetarily and possibly spiritually, by using the occult tool known as the tarot, to hold another person down.
After everything I have been through in my life, I now have no doubt that I was mind-controlled into signing a contract with an entity I thought was God. There were people and websites talking about a Sumerian God named Enki, who loved humans and wanted to help us. I was at the mercy of subliminal messages coming through headphones I used to wear while sleeping. I am now living in fear every day that I am going to hell, and here’s why I think I have been damned:
Given the “engineered” nature of my life, it seems that I was born to be a ritual sacrifice to someone’s very cruel god. I just don’t wanna be. My hope is that the True and Just God of the Universe reads this somehow and saves my soul. Considering what I have been up against my entire life, I know in my heart that I do not deserve to be damned or condemned.
I was mind controlled and tortured, and then forced to endure the process finding out just how this has been done to me.
Considering the fact that the Vatican has Egyptian obelisks at Vatican Square, it has occurred to me that the Catholics are a pagan organization, and they are involved in the occult. A quick glance of Catholic rituals show this to be true. I was adopted through a Catholic organization. I was also held in their custody for the first 6 weeks of my life.

On the surface, my life doesn’t seem that steeped in occult, but my birthdate is 12/12 which ties me to a tarot archetype known as the Hanged Man. The occult societies are known for their practice of inducing labor for a child to be born on a specific date. Now I know why. Engineering someone’s birthdate ties the child to specific archetypes of the tarot, based on their numerology. I know this because it happened to me before I ever looked at the first tarot deck. My whole life was affected by the 12th trump of the tarot, and I never knew about it until 2008/9.
My life story doesn’t seem that strange at face value, however, when all the facts of my life are taken in combination with a knowledge of archetypes and what happened to me beginning in 2008, it is undeniable that I have been the victim of a horrible plot to destroy my life before I ever had a chance, designed to make me angry at God and to make God angry at me.

The Hermetic tarot, by Godfrey Dowson is another deck that shows an upside-down ankh and a serpent at the victim’s head, in the 12th trump card. It is based upon the Hermetic Order of the 12th Trump from The Hermetic TarotGolden Dawn and was copyrighted in 1979, first printed in 1980, according to numerous sources, two of which can be found here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/97228964/Adam-McLean-s-Study-Course-on-the-artwork-and-symbolism-of-modern-tarot-Lesson-13-Magical-tarots

And here: http://www.villarevak.org/ma/c3.html

The card is also called “The Spirit of the Mighty Waters”. The serpent in this deck is much smaller than in the Ludovica painting, yet it is still in close range of the victim’s head. Notice there is a Rosy Cross as well as the symbol for Neptune, a god who is often associated with the devil.

The other deck, that has the serpent at the head of the figure, and the one I seem to have been the most associated with, is the Harris-Crowley, Thoth deck, especially since my adoptive mother’s life is symbolically represented in that deck’s 4th trump. The 12th trump of this deck (image below) also shows the upside-down Ankh. It was first published in 1944.

Mu, the first syllable in the words "music"

The First Syllable in the Word, “MUSIC”, 12th Letter of the Greek Alphabet

As I have mentioned in my other writings, like, “Symbolism, Mind Control, and Metaphysical Sabotage in Relation to Archetypal Transference and the Second Commandment of the Decalogue“, the word, “MUSIC” is made up of two words, mu and sic. Mu is the 12th letter of the Greek alphabet, while sic means “intentionally so written”. Given the nature of the 12th trump of the tarot, I have to consider if this is how a muse is made. I know that some may think this is crazy, but when I consider how certain bands and musicians seem to tell stories directly related to my situation, like Depeche Mode’s “Wrong”, or Kate Bush’s “Experiment IV”, or Chevelle’s “Shameful Metaphors”, I have to consider that the serpent at the head of the figure of the 12th trump of the tarot may represent the serpent class, gleaning creative inspiration from other people’s suffering.
What follows is what I HAVE MEMORY OF, or what has been told to me by my adoptive family.
12/12/Late 1960s:
I am born, and placed for adoption (sold into slavery), through a Catholic agency. I was held in the custody of the agency for the first 6 weeks of my life. http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/studies/HarlowMLE.htm

I am adopted into a family that already had a ten year old son, who was often shipped off to private12th Trump from the Thoth Tarot Deck school. By being born on 12/12, I carry the archetype of the Hanged Man, which is usually an upside-down person. Despite, my not being aware of the tarot or this card in relation to my birthdate, it has effects on my entire life. I will only become aware of this “tarot curse”, after I am abandoned in a house with no power or water for 2.5 years.
My father tells me that my parents picked me out of a large group of babies, and that I was picked out special. My mother tells me that she wanted a child (after having my brother), so they matched her up with a pregnant woman who wanted to place her child up for adoption. My adoptive mother was born on 4/4, which ties her to the Emperor archetype. This gives her power, whereas my archetype has me powerless. The same The Emperor card from the Thoth Tarotthing that cursed me seems to have blessed her. Her life is bizarrely displayed in the Emperor card of the Crowley-Harris, Thoth deck, which is the deck that seems to show my life in it the most, in all of the cards, but most notably in the 12th trump, the Hanged Man, which in the Thoth deck, is called the “Dying God”. Is it ironic to anyone that, in 2012, it seems like we are living in a Godless world, in which certain people don’t even think twice before torturing, murdering, mind-controlling, and causing all sorts of untold misery to innocent victims, even at birth?
My mother names me with initials that spell the name of an animal, which serves to dehumanize a person on a subliminal level. I am baptized Catholic. We go to church every Sunday until my parents get divorced.
At 3y/o, I am found, face-down in the pool, by my mother, and my brother has to shove her out of the way to save my life (as told by my brother). In ritual abuse, the ritual drowning always occurs at 3y/o, and from what I understand, it is to expose the child to demonic influence. I am scared to death of going to a kindergarten, but don’t know why. Parent’s make me go anyway. Sometimes, I hide to avoid going.
My father, a navy man, whom I love with all of my heart, is often away on business trips, and my mother is away for reasons unknown. I am told by my brother that both of them used to pay him to keep their affairs secret from one another.
I am a chunky kid, and my father takes to singing songs about it to me. “Fat, fat, the water rat, 50 bullets in his hat”, and “fatty, fatty, 2 by 4, can’t get through the bathroom door”. When I react with tears, my parents say that I am “too sensitive”. Well, what did they expect, when they named me with initials spelling the name of an animal?
We have these neighbors, the Albirdy’s, who live two doors down from us. Their daughter teaches me how to write. She gets me to go against my natural left-handed inclination by telling me it is evil to be left-handed. Not wanting to be evil, I became right-handed. After seeing studies, and knowing stroke victims, I can see how one hemisphere of the brain generally is responsible for things on the opposite side of the body. Because of this, I think that forcing a lefty to be right-handed in some ways can take someone out of their “right mind”, so to speak, figuratively, and possibly literally.
My parents are rarely around. I take to lying about injuries to get attention from them, and even sometimes trying to injure myself on purpose. This is highly ironic, since now; no one believes that I am truly in pain, even though I am. Once I get into adulthood, I stop lying to get attention from boyfriends (father figures), because I realize it is the wrong way to get attention.
I am exposed to theatre before I reach 9 years old, such as Jesus Christ Superstar and Hair. I am also exposed to movies, such as The Exorcist, The Omen, and Rosemary’s Baby. I have a neighbor who, at 10y/o (while I am 6 or 7 at most), is exposing me to her fetish about pregnancy. TV is my main babysitter, and I am allowed to play in the woods alone, which I often do, although I am missing memories of that time.
We go to church every Sunday, and I go to Sunday school. I get as far as my first communion. All the other girls at the First Communion ceremony wear white, while I am made to wear pink (or rose), with some fake roses in my hair. Am I Rosemary? Shortly afterwards, my parents get divorced and my mother doesn’t take me to church anymore.
My brother keeps snakes as pets, and even brings me over to a neighbor’s house (the Albirdys), who have the largest boa constrictor, to send me home to scare my mother with it wrapped around my neck. My brother goes to Jesuit High school. I look up to and love him dearly.
I play Mary in a school Christmas pageant. My dad makes the costume for me.
My mother constantly compares me with other children and cousins, letting me know that I am not good enough for her.
I see my 5’7” mother beat my 6’ tall brother, who is about 16 or 17 years old at the time. This is the beginning of my mistrust for my mother.
My brother exposes his penis to me in the bathroom, but I don’t remember what happened after that. The memory might have been repressed.
My brother wraps me up in a blanket and tosses me down the stairs. When I get to the bottom, I push the blanket off of me to find my parents, standing there and laughing at me.
My cousin has a memory of my brother chasing us around the house with a butcher knife, but if it happened, then I must’ve repressed that memory, which happens with traumatic memories, as any psychologist worth his salt will tell you.
I have some missing time in my childhood, for example, I remember going to the woods by myself, playing in the woods by myself, but I do not remember coming home.
A cousin on my father’s side of the family moves in with us temporarily. She seems to pay more attention to the cousin than to me.
My mom takes to comparing me to my friends and cousins. She often goes away, leaving me with a nanny. Since she carries the Emperor archetype, I cannot help but feel that she has been programmed this way; to be cruel.
1976 or 77:
My parents get divorced. Upon hearing the news, I begin to cry. My mother says to me, “I don’t know why you’re crying, he was never around anyway”. She just doesn’t understand how much I love him, in part possibly because of the way her own father treated her. My father moves out of state, so now I only get to see him once or twice a year, as opposed to maybe once every couple of months. At this point, I begin to turn negative. Is it because my polarity was switched by forcing me to be right-handed against my natural inclination, or is it because my parents got divorced? Could it be because my mother is fond of telling me that she wishes I was more like my friends and cousins? Is it because I am not given any real foundation to go on? Is it because I was left alone most of my childhood? I cannot doubt that it is a combination of those things, but what is to come causes this negativity to get much worse.
We move into a new place, which my mother decorates in mirrors. Everything is mirrored, mirrors on the walls, the coffee table, the dressers, the end tables, headboards, a pedestal for a piece of steel art, tissue holders, cotton ball dispensers, switch plates and wall sockets, sliding closet doors, shower stall doors, etc. Even the wallpaper was mirrored. No room was missing a mirror. Was my mom a narcissist? What kind of effect would living in a veritable “house of mirrors” have on a child? How can anyone blame that child for how they end up in life?
I am a latchkey kid, although my mother doesn’t have to work, being fully supported by my dad. I make myself french-fries in the frydaddy and eggrolls in the microwave (my usual fare, unless I lucked out and got fast food).
I develop a strange habit of chewing the skin around my fingernails, along with a habit of twisting my hair into little knots and then ripping them off. Why would a kid develop habits like this. Did something traumatic happen in her life??? Hmmm….
My mother takes to calling me stupid, often. Any time I do something wrong in her eyes, I am “stupid, stupid, stupid!” She also likes to tell me that I am never going to amount to anything. Cruelty from the only caregiver I have. I know that on some level my mother loves me; I just don’t think she was equipped to express that love. She just doesn’t know what that did to me. It was as if she was cursing me. Perhaps, my initials spelling “cat”, really did make me “too sensitive”.
My mother tries to come up with ways to make money beyond what my father pays her in alimony and child-support. At one point, she tries to grow worms in our garage. Another time, she tries selling road signs. One of her money-making attempts is to sell hot dogs at construction sites with me wearing a bikini to try to attract customers. I was 14 years old.
I am told by a high school math teacher that I am just a drug addict, even though I had yet to try the first drug, or even cigarettes. Is this some sort of curse? Sadly, when I was in grade school, I was in the top 2% of my class in IQ, but by high school, I end up lucky to get Cs.
I begin to get involved in the “punk scene”. With other members of this “scene”, we do some pretty nasty stuff. For example, we would go to graveyards and take statuettes which I now feel awful for. I have to imagine what the families felt upon seeing the statues missing. I wasn’t the only one who did it though. We would also go driving through neighborhoods and hit mailboxes with baseball bats. This behavior didn’t last long for me though. I now feel horrible about it.
At 16y/o, I am date raped by a 21y/o man. Why I was even allowed to go to his house, I will never know. I mean, I was only 16. I met him at a restaurant my mother used to frequent. It had a bar and a DJ booth. The 21y/o molested me in that DJ booth.
Influenced by the boys around me, and in a world of self-hatred, I end up cutting myself. I try to hide it from my mother, by hiding my bloody shirts in my closet. My mother finds one of them and gets angry because I ruined a shirt.
I begin smoking my mother’s cigarettes, which she kept in the freezer for freshness. I also begin to take unknown pills from her prescription bottle, and trade them with some of my friends. We are punks, so we think it’s “cool” to do this and other weird stuff. I smoke pot for the first time with a friend of mine.
I graduate high school, lucky to make it with a C average, considering the emotional and psychological damage done on me. I brag about how I made it even though I was somehow able to skip at least some portion of every day.
I attempt suicide, during a party, on the bathroom floor of my boyfriend’s house, because he dumped me. I guess that was a father figure. Somehow, I thought he could help me. My problems are so deep seated, that I would need a hypnotherapist to really help me. I end up at a county-run crisis center, where, at 17, I am put into the adult ward. Looking across the unit, I see little children, ages 4, 5, & 6, approximately, in cages, stacked on top of one another, being wheeled down the hall.
My mother, who is a gambler, accuses me of stealing her wallet and calls the cops. Since I was passed out on the phone all night with my boyfriend, waking up with the phone pressed between my head and the pillow, I know there is no way I could’ve done it. Still, I am brought down to the cop station. Because I am frightened, I of course am unable to pass a lie detector (which is why they are not admitted as evidence), but the cops make me give a fake confession to be allowed to leave. I give the fake confession, but I am a smart ass about it.
What is the very worst thing I have ever done in my life? Have 2 abortions, which were legal, and in fact, touted as downright moral by those I was spending time with during those days in the late 80s & early 90s. That being said, I deeply regret ever having them. Again, it is easy to influence a female who was lacking a father figure in her life. I was influenced by the first male to ever graduate in the state of FL with a degree in Women’s Studies, and I was still a teenager for the first one.
I enroll at a community college, to become an artist. I receive a scholarship for my art classes, and win an award in the Student Juried Art Exhibit. I learn how to weld and do an almost 11 foot tall 1 of 3 Magi Cards of the Thoth Tarotsteel sculpture, called, “Person”, yet everyone calls it “a man”. I have talent and skills, and a future. I meet a woman named Mary Jane Skinner, who strangely enough, looks just like the Magi on one of the Magi cards in the Thoth deck. She is somehow able to steal my ideas. She introduces me to Jerome, which ends up distracting me from my career. I have been programmed, like so many other Monarch victims, as some sort of breeder, so that drive kicks in, making me become too sexually driven. It cannot be a coincidence that this woman effectively ruins my career and her name is Skinner, and my initials spell “cat” – “skin the cat”.
Early 1992:
I discover that I am pregnant at the same time that I contract herpes. Jerome and I had some relations with another couple, and I assumed that it was the man, but later Jerome will tell me that he could’ve contracted it before he met me. I end up with a horrible rash all over my body and feel like I am dying.
Jerome and I have a son and place him for adoption. Could this be a sort of repetition of the pattern put in place when I was placed for adoption? She introduces me to heroin after I have placed a son up for adoption. It is the only thing that relieves my intense sadness, but it eventually ruins my life.
What is the very worst illegal thing I ever did? I did illegal drugs: various kinds, at various intervals. Oh no, I didn’t rape anyone, I didn’t violate anyone physically (although I was raped when I was 16y/o by a 21y/o). I didn’t force my child to wear a bikini and sell my hotdogs at construction sites (which my mother did to me when I was 14y/o), I never stabbed or murdered anyone. I never attacked anyone. I never mind-controlled anyone, although I am unsure as to whether there are laws regarding that subject, AT ALL.
I end up going to work for a printing company that my cousin works for, until it closes a few months later. I am in deep depression that I cannot seem to climb out of. I miss my son, and wish I never placed him for adoption. I know that because of my programming, and because I was not allowed to be left-handed, that I am unable to persevere in the career of my choice, however, it also seems like my entire life has been orchestrated in this manner. It’s as if God himself didn’t want me to be happy. This feeling that I cannot explain becomes my sublimated anger.
Jerome and I end up living in the garage beneath an apartment where his friends live. Living in a garage adds to my depression, and my behavior reflects this. We party with his friends upstairs with LSD and alcohol.
Early 1993:
Jerome and I move into an apartment that my real estate broker Aunt has gotten us into. Eventually, her daughter and her boyfriend move in next door. We end up hearing gunshots almost every night.
Late 1993:
I am still very sad about placing my son for adoption.
After the printing company I worked for goes under, I find a job at another printing company. Jerome and I end up breaking up before long. I meet a man at this company who is about 8 years older than me, and has 3 children: 2 teens who live with him, and one grade school aged daughter who lives with her mother. He says he is attracted to me because I use heroin. I know now that, subconsciously, I saw him as the father figure I needed in my life.
In the company I work for, I have this boss who like to molest me from time to time. I do it, because I need the job. My addiction gets worse.
Early 1994:
We end up moving in together. I have a cat that I had since he was born. While living with this man, my cat is let out of the house and is killed by a car. Then we end up going to a pet store, where there is a cat that looks like the one that was killed. He asks me if I want that cat. The cat has an implant. I don’t think anything of it at that time, but I do now. I now have to wonder if they killed my cat on purpose, so they could make me have a cat with an implant.

Early 1995:
At one point, this man makes me have sex with another couple. I don’t want to do this, but he makes me. Eventually, this becomes a big problem between us. I end up further in my addiction problem, and we end up breaking up. He blames me. I thought he was the love of my life.
At one point, he makes me have sex with another couple. I don’t want to do this, but he makes me.

Mid 1995:

I get busted for possession of heroin, when me and an ex-boyfriend from high-school, go to a house that is being watched. I am told that by the attorney who represents me.

Dean, who was my first love, gets off free of having to do any time.

Late 1997:

As I end up further in my addiction, and we end up breaking up. He blames me and kicks me out. Since I have no place to go, I end up living in the warehouse at my old job, without the boss knowing about it. I thought he was the love of my life. My depression gets much worse, and so does my addiction, not coincidentally.
Early 1998:
Eventually, my boss finds out that I am living in the warehouse, fires me, and kicks me out. I move into a hotel room for a while, until I find a job at a medical billing company, at which point, I move into an apartment for about 3 months. The landlord screws me out of $400.00, and then kicks me out. At this point, I am in treatment for my heroin addiction. I am on the methadone program. It seems to stabilize me somewhat.
Mid 1998:
A woman I work with offers to let me move in with her and her boyfriend, Lisa and Elliot. My depression is so bad; I can’t stop crying, even at work. My new roommate is Lisa becomes my best friend. Her birthdate is 6/6. I become friends with a few of her friends. I finally start to have some good times with these people.
Lisa and Elliot introduce me to using extacy. Her boyfriend likes to do crack, and gets her to do it by telling her it is cocaine. We end up having x parties at least 4 or 5 times a year.
Early 1999:

I quit the job with my friend, and get another medical billing job at a different company. Still very sad, but I like the job, and perform well at it. My boss likes me.
Mid 1999:
My roommates and I end up arguing allot because they are racking up the bill on my cell phone, and I ask them to contribute. The boyfriend tells his girlfriend to beat me up, and I don’t fight back. Later she would tell me that I taught her something about peace and friendship. Due to the arguments over the phone bill, I eventually move out.
Late 1999:
I move into a hotel with my cat, who has been implanted. It has one bedroom, a closet, and a bathroom. I am working for a medical billing company. I am suffering an intense depression. I miss my old roommate, Lisa. We keep in touch and still spend time together. She breaks up with her boyfriend.

When I think about what happened on 9/11/2001, and the fact that I was well into a deep drug induced hypno-sleep when it happened, in a hotel room with only a bathroom & a closet, and a cat, I know I was messed up. But that was done long before I ever was even born, via a curse that was put on me, by making be born on that 12/12 date, and relating me to the tarot. I was so busy being sad, that I couldn’t take what was happening in the world. Considering how sensitive I was/am, it’s no wonder I felt the need to do drugs, and to sleep through what was going on in the world. While I wish I could do some drugs now, I am not, because I am simply afraid to break any laws.
March 2004:
I find out that I’m pregnant. I quit using opiates. I stay off drugs, but am only able to get down to 10 cigs a day (after smoking about a pack and a half), and one cup of coffee a day (I used to drink about two pots/day at work to keep up with a heavy workload).
Fall 2004:
My daughter is born, and the very next month, I have surgery for cervical dysplasia, while my daughter has to have surgery on her stomach (projectile vomiting). Something terrible happens to me during my surgery, but the memory is repressed at that time, because I was under a general anesthetic, and because my mind is unable to process it. This is a well-known psychological concept, yet the psychiatrist and psychologist I will start to see in 2012 will tell me it isn’t real. The memory of the horrible thing that was done to me will come out in 2011 as a flashback. There is a reason why this was done to me. It effectively destroyed my root chakra. If you know anything about chakra system, then you know what kind of psycho-spiritual damage can be caused by trauma to the root chakra. I now wonder if this is why circumcision is routinely performed on boys.
By making people very insecure, they are made to become bigger consumers. They find comfort in spending money, shopping, gambling, drinking, or using drugs. They find comfort in food, in cigarettes, in watching movies, listening to music, or basically taking things in as opposed to giving things out or producing things.
Jan 2005:
My maternity leave is over and I go back to work, but have a really hard time being away from my daughter.
March 2005:
The medical billing company I work for allows me to begin working at home.
Fall 2005:
Jerome talks me into moving into a home we CANNOT afford, costing us $1200.00/mo, while we were coming from an apartment that we paid $465.00/mo for. Despite my begging, and warning him about the housing market which is about to crash, he forces the issue… I have no choice. His father quickly begins work on the house, adding a garage in which no car can park, and ripping up the kitchen and bathroom floors, revealing asbestos tiling. Yay. They spend at least a year and a half working on this house we cannot afford, pouring money into a money pit, at the worst time possible.
At this time, I am still working, at home, for the medical billing company.

I take up an interest in crystals and tarot, not even considering that they are of the occult. I also begin to learn about reiki, which is a modality of energy healing, supposedly discovered by Japanese Buddhist Mikao Usui, in 1922, when he went searching for the energy healing modality that was believed to have been practiced by Jesus. I begin to buy books on reiki, crystals, and tarot. I even began to learn a bit about organic home remedies.
Something strange was happening to me during this time, pushing me to want to delve into all these subjects at once. In looking back, I realize it was way too much for me to be getting into at that time.

Lots of pressure, trying to work and care for our daughter. Feels like I am running around in circles. House is a disaster, while these Jerome & his dad spend a year and a half working on a garage that we cannot even park the car inside of. I am simultaneously working on a computer with a toddler running around the house.
While I am learning about tarot, crystals, and reiki, and I often fall asleep listening to binaural beats and various interviews with one of my favorite speakers. I feel that the recordings I was listening to, in combination with the implants in my ears, allowed someone to do program me or otherwise insert ideas into my head, that would possibly come out at a later date.
I am on a desperate search for God in my life, but I am looking in all the wrong places. Given the fact that I have had a horrible trauma done in my root chakra, and that I have implants in my head (photos below), is it any wonder that I was living a messed up life, searching everywhere for some sort of spirituality, and feeling this unexplainable sadness? In the midst of a kind of madness, feeling frightened for my family’s welfare, I am easily influenced by the implants on my head. I fall asleep listening to interviews with certain esoteric authors who say they espouse the truth, but in fact, are most likely occult practitioners, themselves.
I get involved in some metaphysical groups online to learn more about energy healing. One group had a charismatic female leader, who seems to have been sensitizing members of her group to trigger terms. I also join a hermetic forum, in which I meet a man there who also ends up sensitizing me to trigger terms. I didn’t realize it at the time, but what both these people were doing amounts to mind control.
The female leader of the Shamballa group was using techniques to alter people’s merkabas (which is an extension of a person’s aura). She also said she was using a technique known as “mind-bending” on various people in the group, as well as public figures, such as Hillary Clinton. She had her members doing some strange mediations involving crystals, and I blindly followed them, which I believe further opened me up to demonic influence.
Recently (2012), I saw an online group known as “Freedom from Mindbenders”, which I find interesting, although it wasn’t active when I found it.


A man whom I deeply admire does an interview on a radio show that discusses conspiracy theories and such. He is the man with the “honey mouth”. He says things that seem to be loaded with triggers that relate directly to my programming. It is my birthday. Later, I will hear a song by Duran Duran, called “Come Undone”, in which a line says, “Happy birthday to you was created for you”. In the beginning of the song is the phrase, “My immaculate dream made flesh and skin, I’ve been waiting for you”.
03/2008: I have been heavily influenced by a website that equates the name of “satan” with a god known as Enki. I am already working under a post-hypnotic suggestion due to the implants, as well as the music and interviews I listen to in order to fall asleep. I begin to hear voices. I have an event that could be described as a heart attack, but what it felt like was some powerful energy coming up into my root chakra, reaching my heart, then an explosion. For two weeks afterward, I am feeling elation. Voices begin to play with my ego. They start out by telling me they love me, that I am special in some way. The spirits or energies (associated with these voices) begin to do some sexual things to me, which will then be held against me later. I will be called “sick”, “too bad”, etc., to justify why they are killing me.

I begin to have memories that indicate I am a mind control and ritual abuse victim. When I post about these things in various email groups that are supposed to espouse the truth, I am ostracized.

I have the sensation of some spirit sitting in my lap, but it feels like it is an actual person I know of, and admire…. the one who did the interview on my birthday. Whether it was really him or not, remains to be seen, it could have just been a spirit imitating him, or some sort of hallucination induced through the implants. I cannot be sure of anything now.

These same voices are convincing me that I am Mary (of bible fame), or some type of “birth goddess” ala Sumerian lore, and that I will have an immaculate conception. Here, I must mention that Duran Duran song called “Come Undone”, in which he mentions “My immaculate dream…” Looking back, I can see this as some sort of mind-control, relating to the fact that I was Catholic, and that I played Mary in the school play. They also tell me that I will be reunited with my real family and are coming to get me. This is some powerful mind control, because I had never heard voices before in my life. I think that God is talking to me.

I discover the implants on each ear (photos below). I show Jerome and he doesn’t believe they are implants. I have no clue how long they have been there. Jerome thinks I am nuts because of the things I am saying about what the voices are telling me, and we start to fight about this. He has me baker acted into a state-run crisis center. They release me after a day because I am lucid. At one point, I end up staying at the neighbor’s house, when Jerome threatens to kick me out. I begin to have a fear of knives and forks, and the sound of lawn mowers. I file for food stamps and Medicaid.

My reaction to the voices becomes unmanageable, prompting Jerome to have me baker acted 3 times, which in turn, causes me to lose my job. By the end of the month, Jerome stops paying the mortgage and leaves with our daughter, Laura, and now since I have no job, I am unable to pay the bills that I used to be responsible for.

This is the beginning of my trauma and torture – Early in the month, I begin to feel the most debilitating pain I have ever felt in my life. I have since discovered the name of this condition is vulvodynia, and it is caused by previous trauma in the area. I spend the first month of it literally screaming on the floor. No one seems to care about it, or they just don’t believe me.
While in this horrible pain, the voices start accusing various people in my life for causing my pain. At this point, I have yet to have any flashbacks related to my pain, and since I am all alone and afraid, I believe them. I begin to send some very negative energy to all the people that the voices are blaming for my pain. I only sent that negative energy in an effort to make them stop. Later, I will make every effort to send healing to all of them, using crystals, when I realize that the voices have been lying to me about so many things.

The pain becomes unbearable, and I go to a neighbor’s house to use their phone and call an ambulance. I get to the hospital and I am treated very badly. They tell me that I do not have an STD, but they are going to treat me as if I do. I file for disability. The nurse stabs me in the leg with something she says is a “super antibiotic”.
By the end of the month, the power gets turned off. Just in time for winter. I begin to feel vibrating sensations in my left leg, where I was given the shot.
Since I have no money, I have to let my cat out to hunt for his own food.
I have to use candles to keep warm, and I use a gutted out toaster oven to cook on, by putting the fire inside the toaster oven, and putting a frying pan on top of it. I begin to have garage sales to try to make a few dollars.

I beg my father to help me to get on the methadone program because my pain is unbearable, and I feel this might help. It does, but only somewhat. Marijuana seems to help, but I cannot afford it. I make friends with a neighbor across the street, but his sexual interest in me is unnerving. I have no sexual interest in anyone because I have been messed with mentally to believe that I am meant for a certain man, whom I admire, who (when looking back on the whole mess) I see couldn’t possibly be interested in me. The voices are so powerful, and at this point I am getting visions and having strange physical experiences. While having some sort of vision of this man I admire, telling me that we belong together, he rolls some sort of etheric energy ball into my root chakra. I don’t know if the implants have something to do with this or if it is just occult magic done to mess with my mind, and to make me appear crazy.
Some other strange energy stuff happens to me, and I feel like my root and sacral chakras are being manipulated somehow. It feels good at the time, but like it is too much. It’s as if I have been taken over by something beyond my control. I hear a voice say, “You didn’t have to rip her open”. I am reminded here, of a symbol I identified with throughout my life, since childhood. It is the ankh. At one point in the future, I will see this image, on the backs of someone’s running shoes, but it has been ripped apart.
Early 2009:

I am told (by the voices) to get the Thoth Tarot deck because it is “my deck”. I see a version of my tattoo on several of the cards, trumps and others, most notably the Magi card, and the Devil Card, and some of the cards in the Wands suit. It is a variation of the so-called “winged disk”. When I got that tattoo, I had no knowledge of the “winged disk” of Egyptian fame.
I am denied for disability. I reapply.
Mid 2009:

I begin to have flashbacks of my mother doing something to me in my privates, but they aren’t totally clear. I just chalk it up to her changing my diaper or something. I do not want to blame her for something she didn’t do.
I end up going to another emergency room for help, and they won’t treat me.
Winter 2009:

I spend another winter using candles to keep me from freezing in the house. Occasionally, I can get a neighbor to let me stay on his couch, but I am made to kiss him.
My cat comes home one day, with a lump on his head. Considering the fact that I have implants, I am forced to wonder if they implanted him. I try to squeeze it to get whatever is in there out, but my cat won’t allow me to.

I realize that I have been programmed as some sort of a breeder. There is a band out there called “The Breeders”, which makes me wonder how many other women out there have been programmed in this way. How many are born on 12/12 with initials that spell “cat”? Later I will meet a man whose last name is “Sayer”, yet he will tell me it is “Sire”. Hmmm. Is this some sort of mind control related to programming that was done to me when I was young?
02/2010: Still hearing voices promising rescue… but no one ever shows up. I am suffering PTSD, and stockholm syndrome, but no one really seems to care. They try to make me feel guilty instead.

I end up going to work for a few days for these people who do yard services. They pay me nothing. I have to use their phone to call my dad and beg for cash so I can by pads. So they end up giving me about nine bucks for two days’ worth of hard work.

At this point, I have had to leave the house, and move into a tent in my neighbor’s back yard. The house I used to live in gets sold, and I lose everything I own. I still have to kiss this guy, just to keep my tent in his back yard.

I move in to a neighbor’s house, consisting of a guy, his girlfriend, their baby, and his brother. They end up ripping me off for $200.00 that I obviously cannot afford.

I move into an apartment with a friend who used to live at the house where I rented a room. He is schizophrenic, but on some level, I feel like we could be friends. Things get really weird, really fast. He expects me to be some kind of slave for him, and takes to destroying the apartment and making me clean it up. At one point, he disappears. His father tells me that he is in jail after wrecking his car.

After my roommate disappears, I meet the guy who lies about his last name. He is an IV drug user… bringing me back into a situation that I did not necessarily want to be in.

I have the flashback of my mother holding me down, while a doctor does something terrible to me in my privates. In the flashback, I can hear the instrument, my mother’s voice, and my own screams.

I hear a voice say, “we won’t let you live”.

Jerome is taking classes in electronic engineering, while trying to work full time. I come and stay for a couple of weeks, to help take care of our daughter and to stay for her birthday, allowing him some time to study for his next test.

I head back to my apartment, which is about an hour and a half away from where Jerome and Laura are living. While I am constantly hearing voices saying that I will be taken to jail for some crime I haven’t committed, I like having my own place. I am still in constant pain.

Jerome passes his next test, and we are speaking about me coming to stay with him to help him with our daughter, so he could have more time to study. He tells me he misses me on the phone.

He fails the following test, so he has to begin looking for another job. Now I cannot help him in the way I was hoping. It is as if some horrible and cruel energy does not want me to truly help anyone, even my ex or my daughter. I go back to my apartment, with the intent to come back to J’s house around Christmastime, so I can spend the holidays with my daughter.

Fearing for my life…. And/or my freedom, and having already bought my daughter’s Christmas gifts, I wanted to be sure she got them, lest she think I am a total piece of garbage, selfish jerk, that these voices think I am. I called Jerome and begged him to come get me at his earliest convenience. I just want my daughter to know I love her and think about her, even though I am in a living hell, and would be better off staying away.
11/2011(not completely sure of that date):

I go to a park with my ex and our daughter. We are watching some sort of a stage show. I hear a voice say, “I feel bad about this one”, and immediately after that, I feel some sort of painful energy hit me in the left side of my back, and go straight through to my chest. Is this some sort of energy weapon? I frequently have pain in that area, and my breathing has been affected. Immediately after this, I excuse myself to go sit in Jerome’s car, for fear that I might get attacked like this again, or that I might be arrested as some scapegoat for some crime I haven’t committed.

I am staying on the couch at Jerome’s, although the situation is awful. I am still hearing voices that say I am guilty of all these things that are obviously not my fault. Due to the fact that I have these visible and touchable implants in my head, y guilty feelings are no assuaged. I have obviously been subliminally influenced by them for longer than I know, since I only became aware of the implants in 2008, and my most recent surgery was in 2004, under a general anesthetic. That being said, I doubt they were implanted then, because I would have felt pain in the area after the procedure. Most likely, they were put in when I was a newborn.
08 & 09 2012:

I begin to awaken in the middle of the night to the sensation of my heart chakra, root chakra, and/or sacral chakra being vibrated. I feel like someone is using some sort of tesla like device to vibrate me apart. I often find myself having panic attacks for no obvious reason. I get heart palpitations. I feel burning sensations on my skin. I feel pain in my lungs, breasts, kidneys, pancreas, my liver, in that order, but then the pain seems to revolve. Then it comes back.
I am at the both disturbed and amazed by the lyrics of some of these songs by the band named “Muse”. Almost every song addresses some issue I have. “Newborn”, for example (since one of the words used in the interview is in fact “newborn”). Either they are told what words to put in their songs via those in control of this whole weird MK Ultra thing, or they have been tapping directly into my subconscious mind. They actually have songs called, “MK Ultra”, “Stockholm Syndrome” (which is an actual syndrome in mind control victims, as found in the behavior of Joseph Mengele toward his “patients”). For more info on Stockholm Syndrome, see the book entitled The Illuminati Formula Used to Create an Undetectable Total Mind Controlled Slave, by Cisco Wheeler and Fritz Springmeier, which describes what I am going through, but on a different level. What is happening to me is much more insidious because it is happening on such a symbolic and metaphoric level, so that I would have no verifiable proof, except for these implants.

Okay… so this is weird: I opened up a music player on the computer, because I got tired of picking each song, one after another, breaking in between my reading or writing. So when I opened it up, the first thing that came up was this phrase from the Blade Runner soundtrack: “Not very sporting of you to fire on an unarmed opponent”. Then it went straight to Mumford and Sons, “I Will Wait (For You)”. It wasn’t in order, but I didn’t specify the “shuffle”. This indicates my exact situation, in a way. I have always been unarmed, yet, it seems as if someone has been firing on me, my whole life!
As I write this, I reminded of the date, 9/11, when the twin towers, towers 1 & 2, as well as tower 7, went down, after a supposed attack from Iraq. I am so sorry, but I find it hard to believe the news media, given what I know about the nature of our world, and given what I know about how this world is so infected with lies from those who feel they have the right to control others.
At this point, given what I know about secret societies and the occult, and given that they are in charge of our world today, and have been for so long, I find myself existing in a world loaded with lies, in which one cannot blame me for being messed up in the head, given that I was so sensitive to begin with. I mean, when you name someone after an animal, what do you expect? They say animals are more sensitive than people. It’s as if the archetype of the animal my initials spell is somehow engraven into my head, in addition to the archetype of the Hanged Man (12th trump) tarot card. I really had the deck stacked against me (pun intended).
Okay, so I was born on 12/12/1967. My heart skipped a beat, just as I typed those words. My address, when I was very young, was 712 Druid Hills Rd. I have to ask the reader to consider their birthdate, in relation to their various addresses, simply because of what I have been through in my life. I want to know if the pattern in my life is in any way indicative of how patterns in people’s lives manifest themselves according to birthdate, numerology, and corresponding tarot cards, or if this has been peculiar to me. For example, after my mom & dad were divorced, my mom moved into a place with the address 4473. Is it any coincidence that her birthdate was 4/4, and that her associated trump from the tarot is The Emperor card? She seemed to have so much power over others, like her boyfriends or my father. Is it any coincidence that my entire life has seemed to be in an upside-down position, when you consider that the trump card of the tarot that corresponds with my birthdate is The Hanged Man?
Throughout my process of learning exactly how I’d been cursed, I have been viciously attacked with slander, physically and mentally tortured, and I wish it would stop. It seems everyone I speak to regarding my situation, is somehow kept from helping me. Like that poor guy in “Tales of the Ubermensch: Hack.World”, I find myself living in a nightmare, from which I have yet to escape, in which it seems that others have been controlling my life. The difference in my story, though, is the fact that my programming and mind control wasn’t done to me by someone in person, like Delilah did to Nada. Rather, my programming was all done via implants, through radio waves (see photos of implants below). It is as if I have had no freewill, or at least it has been very limited. While I am suffering from numerous ailments, no one seems to be able (or qualified?) to diagnose them. I have been to three ERs and a couple of clinics, but cannot seem to get any real treatment for the constant pain I have suffered from over the past four years.
I find it bizarre that, while I am currently seeking disability, considering what I’ve been through, that a judge denied me. I mean, I tried to commit suicide at 17, have a documented history of depression, and have been in constant physical pain since 2008, I have self-mutilation scars, flashbacks, PTSD, a history of drug abuse… so what else do you need to see that I have been suffering, on some level, for most of my life??? Yet, I cannot seem to get any real help from the psychological “professionals”, who have, in essence, called me a liar. While they are treating me for schizophrenia, a disease worthy of disability, I am unable to get disability. What kind of world am I living in??? I applied back in October 2008, one month after my constant pelvic pain began. It has now been 4 years since I applied. I have been out of work, with no insurance, so I have been unable to see any doctors who are willing or able to spend a decent amount of time, determining my illnesses.
At this point, here are the photos of two very obvious implants at each of my ears, but very few people want to believe that they are real, even though I feel buzzing sensations and I hear noises through them on an ongoing basis. I also get pain from them. For example, the last psychologist I had, pretty much called me a liar when I saw her for the second appointment, when she said to me, “I already know you like to tell stories”. What the heck is that supposed to mean? That woman doesn’t even know me. I can only imagine that someone who doesn’t want me to get help said something to her. This is the same psychologist who told me that the implants (which are about the size of RFID chips, and can be felt in front of each ear) are keloid scars, which cannot be true, given what keloids look like as compared to what these implants look like.
Here are photos of my implants, and a photo of what keloid scars look like:

Implant with circle to indicate locationImplant on left side with circle to indicate locationKeloid Example

As you can see, keloids are on the skin and what I have are under the skin. They are obviously NOT SCARS. Some people try to tell me that they are just cartilage. There is cartilage in my nose, but I don’t get buzzing sensations or voices through that!
I don’t WANT disability, mind you, I need it. I hate the idea that I ever even had to apply for it! I am disgusted by it! I have always worked for my money and supported myself, and feel like the scum of the earth for applying.
In case anyone is interested, these voices, which are often the voices of people I know, are telling me that we (meaning me and other victims of this no-touch torture nightmare) are “just crops” to them. It begins to occur to me that everything I have seen and heard in movies, music, and television (tell-a-vision) has been orchestrated to farm a certain section of the populace.

The voices are threatening to put me in jail. I hear them call me a demon. I hear them tell me they don’t care. These same voices are the voices that used to tell me I was loved and chosen. They made me believe I was being saved back in 2008.

I feel burning in my chest, as if I am being hit with some sort of radiation.

I listen to bands such as Tool, A Perfect Circle, Muse, Smashing Pumpkins, Peter Gabriel, Depeche Mode, and Chevelle, and I am shocked by how closely the music hits home with me.

I must repeat the following: It is my fear that I was sold into slavery via this Catholic adoption, just to be implanted at birth, so I could be the subject of this horrible, evil mind control, via these implants, so that I could be made to sign that contract, against my will, in order to be a ritual sacrifice for these evil creatures that should get eaten by their own kind for what they’ve done.

10/29/2012 Update:

I was remembering that in 2010, I stayed for a month, in a house with a gay couple, Don and Jan. I remember how Jan used to treat Don. They had problems, but Don was nearly deaf, and wore hearing aids in both ears. They were both a bit strange, but don’t we all have our eccentricities? I gave them rent, but Don ended up buying tattoos with it, and then they kicked me out before the month was over. I moved back into the foreclosed house, but then had to move into the tent behind my neighbor’s house.

In 2011, I got a call from Jan that Don got hit by a car, outside of a bar, and was killed. It was a hit and run. The reason I mention this is because the way Jan treated Don reminds me of the way Jerome would sometimes treat me. It would often seem that there was a serious lack in logic. Jan would continually say he asked Don to do something, but after Don would do it, he would say that it wasn’t what he asked for, and would then get really angry. Then they would fight. It reminds of when Jerome threw me on the floor 3 times and then used my cell phone to call the cops on me. It is like they were doing some sort of PSYOPS. They would behave in unreasonable ways and then blame us.

It seems to me, especially lately, that those who have sincere feelings are the ones who end up being targets for hurtful people, or those who just don’t care.

My Mother, the Emperor:I am so sad that my mother is no longer alive. I wish I could talk to her about what happened to me. I do not know if she knew about her own tarot archetype and how closely it related to her, although I am 99.9% positive that she did not. The Emperor card related so closely to her life that when I saw the symbols on it, I could not deny that they represented various people who played significant roles in her life. It was when I saw that card; I knew that a large measure of freewill has been stolen from human beings via the graven images of the tarot.

Is it possible that her behavior towards me was a direct result of this card, in combination with her name, once married, being Taylor, Nay Gaeta? Is her name why she was so negative to both me and my brother when we were children?

Is this the work of God, through the printing and repetition of the “graven images” from the tarot & astrology, to infect the collective consciousness in the form of memes, or is it some nefarious agency that had the ruin of souls as its goal? I do not want to believe that it was God. Because one thing is for sure: what happened in my life is a direct result of the curse of the 12th trump (reversal), or is at least a manifestation of the reversed nature of that card. I didn’t deserve it when I was born, and I don’t deserve what has been happening to me over the past four years.

Anyway, my point in this post is to say that I wish I could have talked to my mother about these things. I have no idea if she was ever aware of these things. When she died, she was awaiting an award from a class-action lawsuit awarding billions of dollars to millions of people. I have to wonder if this was somehow involved in her death. She had a heart attack and died a few months later.

When my mother died, I was living in that foreclosed house with no power, water, or garbage. I was collecting rain water just to be able to flush the toilet and bathe myself. I couldn’t even go to visit her when I wanted to. I got to see her in the extended-care facility one time. I was able to provide her one service of swabbing her dry mouth with a moisturizer before she died. It was the last time I saw her. I never wanted her to die.

If I could talk to her right now, I would alert her to the following: We have no freewill. That,

4th Trump of the Thoth Tarot deck

Adoptive Mother’s Card, because her birthdate was 4/4

because of our double digit birthdates, she and I were meta vibrations of certain numbers that are displayed in the tarot, and that we are either cursed or blessed by these images. My father, who supported her completely after their divorce, until she died, is represented by the aries on the left side of the card. The “ghostly” aries, on the right side of the card, represents her mother, who died about 20 years before she did. Both of these people were aries. On either side of the figure is a ball containing an 8-pointed star, which represents my brother and my cousin, who were both born in August. My mother was an avid, trophy winning bowler, and her last initial was a T, represented by the ball with the cross on it, as well as the figure Tzaddi, at the bottom of the card. I am possibly represented by the lamb at her feet. The fleur-de-lis beneath the lamb could represent my best friend, because her birthdate was 6/6. My mother had the power to get whatever she needed in her life. She even had an ex-boyfriend pay for her Cadillac, even though they were no longer together. I no longer blame her for my upbringing; rather, I just cite those circumstances (a 12 being raised by a 4)  as a partial cause for my own misbehavior and sadness.

Of course, another cause would be the curse of my own archetype. Was my birth on 12/12 engineered, so that my entire life would be lived in a “reversed way” as 12th Trump from the Thoth Tarot Deckpictured on the card? Was it done so that I would be a ritual sacrifice for these evil people, as I have heard? That 12th trump, acting as a type of archetypal Implant with circle to indicate locationcurse on me, in combination with the implants in my ears, would have a very deleterious effect on an individual. I have read that those involved in these cults will induce a woman to have a baby early in order to get a specific birthdate for a child, for some occult purpose.

I beg that if there is a God in this Universe, for Him to see the truth of what happened to me. I beg Him for mercy. I beg Him to see that the moment those implants were put into my head, my freewill was stolen from me. I beg for Him to put an end to the torture I am experiencing, knowing that I have been living under this occult tarot curse throughout my life, on top of the fact that my mind was being influenced by these implants, and that I have been unaware of these things until 2008. If God is the God of the Bible, who, according to the bible, loves truth and gave human beings freewill, then I must believe that this God will see what was done to me against my will, as a little child. I must believe that this God will see how this curse tied to my birthday forced me to live in a backwards way, and began to manifest when I was made to be right-handed against my God-given, natural inclination to be left, when the girl teaching me to write told me that it would be evil to be left-handed. I beg that God to see that it was my sincere desire to be good, but that forcing me to be right-handed changed my balance somehow, causing me to not be able to live up to my original potential. I wasn’t that bad, in comparison to many people out there, but I did some bad things in my youth and early adulthood.  Knowing about how strokes affect people shows me that changing someone’s natural handedness can have untold negative effects on someone’s life.

Symbolism, Mind Control, and Metaphysical Sabotage in Relation to Archetypal Transference and the Second Commandment of the Decalogue

12th Trump from the Thoth Tarot Deck

Lil Wayne video "My Homies"

Lil Wayne Video Foreshadowing Colorado Batman Premier Shooting, 12 dead 71 injured

No Graven Images:

Has anyone noticed that, as newer versions of the bible come out, the term, “Graven Images” has been selectively removed? I believe there is a reason for this. This is a short document about the results of a certain graven image from the tarot, the 12th trump, in 2012. Graven Images are literally “images fraught with danger or harm”. I think the statement in the 2nd commandment of the Decalogue had more than one purpose. It seems that graven images are able to cause all sorts of chaos in the world, through a process that could be referred to as Archetypal Transference. The Lil Wayne video, foreshadowing the Batman movie premier shooting by James Holmes, is an example of how so-called “Graven Images” can have a negative impact on our society. I feel that the second commandment of the Decalogue was either mistranslated, or misinterpreted (selectively interpreted), leaving a part of the meaning out, based on the meaning of the word “graven” as a past participle of the word “grave”. I have seen where certain “graven images” have had effects on others. In the case of the shooting in Aurora, Colorado recently, at a Batman movie premier: the shooter, James Holmes, killed 12 people and injured 71. This event was foreshadowed by a “Lil Wayne” video called, “My Homies Still“, in which he shows 12 skeletons in a movie theatre, amongst live people, while he sings in front of them. Could it be that the “graven image”/image of death caused a vibration to be carried out by some unwitting patsy? Could images of death have impacts on people that are not seen to date, via chaos magic and/or quantum mechanics? This image of the screen shot above was taken from: http://illuminatiwatcher.com/?p=2924.

The images on either side of the screen shot, are two versions of the 12th trump of the Tarot, one is from the Crowley-Harris Thoth deck, while the other is a painting by Ludovica Wing Shuen Price. (Link: http://www.elfwood.com/art/l/u/ludovica/the_hanged_man.jpg.html). Both images seem to illustrate some of what is happening in our world in the years surrounding 2012.

This document is about how symbolism has been used to negatively affect our society, taking away a person’s freewill, without them knowing it. I am no “Bible-thumper”, but I contend that the second commandment is more than a comment on idolatry, and may have been mistranslated to keep people from understanding its original intent. Most people see the word “graven” in the Bible, and say it means “engraven”, as in an engraved image. As noted above, the word “graven” is a past participle of the word, “grave”, and is both noun and adjective. As a noun, a “grave” is a tomb or sepulcher. As an adjective, the word “graven” means (from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/graven): “fraught with danger or harm”, and “somber or dark in hue”. With this in mind, an image of death and/or destruction is a graven image. After much study of the subject of symbolism, I have seen how life imitates art in the most unfortunate ways, due to the large-scale, metaphysical impact of the graven images in the Tarot. I have also seen how it has affected all of us living in the years surrounding 2012. One way I know that I am very close to the truth is that, since I began to understand these things, I became a target for the worst kind of harassment and smear campaign I would have ever thought possible, had I ever conceived of such a thing, before it happened to me. I ask the reader to keep in mind the effects of Tarot symbolism on the human psyche, as they read this. If you have a double digit birthdate, please pay special attention to what is written here. There is a reason why I am being kept from speaking out, why people who say they espouse the truth will not respond to emails, and why I have had my character assassinated.

Archetypal Transference, Chaos Theory, and the Law of Attraction:

I have seen many spiritualists and new-agers speaking of how the manifestation of a certain desire can be achieved by the amplification of a vibration, which occurs when the image or thought of that vibration is repeatedly focused on, causing what is called a feedback loop. This concept of is often discussed in quantum and chaos theories. It is usually spoken of as a way to manifest good things for oneself.

However, I have seen where the repetition of a specific vibration can manifest deleterious effects on people unaware of the precarious position they were placed in, at birth, through the use of various archetypes.

Please consider the phrase “justice is blind” & the corresponding archetype of the blindfolded lady justice for a quick example of the way this can work to someone’s detriment, without their knowledge. https://musicis2words.wordpress.com/2013/09/20/why-is-justice-blind/

Due to my birthday being 12/12, the graven image that seems to have had a very negative impact on my life is the 12th trump card of the tarot (see images above), showing either a crucified or upside-down figure. The deck that I am most connected to seems to be the Thoth deck, also referred to as “the Crowley deck”, and was originally printed in 1941. In this deck, the figure in the 12th trump, known as “The Dying God” (image at top, left), is not only upside-down, but is also unconscious, having nails on three limbs. The deck is definitely stacked against this character. One foot is tied to an upside-down ankh, which is the Egyptian symbol for life and fertility, that happens to closely resemble the symbol for female, indicating a female life lived in reverse (coincidentally, “live” spelled backwards is “evil”). The position of the serpent at the head of the figure has severely negative connotations, whether it represents the serpent class or Satan himself. To me, this is certainly a “graven image”, that is, it is an image of suffering and/or death. The meaning, usually associated with getting this card in a reading, obscures the truth about what the vibration of that card may do to people born on the 12/12 date. It is related to something called “Archetypal Semiotic Transference”, as written about in Michael Gaio’s article, which can be found online at: http://blog.michaelgaio.com/2011/09/25/archetypal-semiotic-transference/

What it really represents is a form of metaphysical sabotage, creating a form of slavery whereby the victim has his or her intellectual property stolen from them on a subconscious level. The victim never is able to understand why they feel so spiritually depleted, because they are not made aware of it on a conscious level. It becomes a disturbance in the mind, setting the tone for a reversed or inverted sort of life.

The Tarot and Freewill (or Lack Thereof):

As you can see, certain “graven images” have had a weighty impact on my life, simply due to my birthdate being 12/12. Some will say that I am playing a victim. I can assure you it is not by choice. I am not the only person being affected by these images. I know of one other person born on 12/12, and one born on 12/24, experiencing this effect to some degree. I ask you to read this document with the intent to know truth. This document is my proof that I have not been allowed to have real freewill in my life, due to an occult curse that was put on me since I was born. Although I never knew about the Tarot until more recently, it still had powerful effects on me, even in my childhood.

There seems to be some debate about how long the tarot has been in existence in its current form. Most Tarot aficionados say its current manifestation began in the 18th century, while some believe it was the 16th century. In either case, the tarot has been around for more than a couple of centuries, with the 12th trump as The Hanged Man. Attesting to the popularity of the tarot, is the fact that there are over a thousand tarot decks in print today, with untold printings of each deck. While there may be some variations, almost every deck I have seen has the same archetypes in the trump cards, although there are some exceptions. The most notable exception is the Crowley-Harris Thoth deck (with Egyptian, Astrological, and Cabbalistic influences), whereby the 11th trump, which is traditionally the “Justice” card, has been replaced by a card known as “Lust”, and the 8th trump, which is traditionally the “Strength” card, has been replaced by the card known as “Adjustment”. I relate this form of mind control, using the symbolism of the tarot, to the Monarch Program, and other programs of mind control, because those who have power over those who do not, have gotten and continue to get their power through morally reprehensible ways, using occult practices (including the Egyptian Book of the Dead), manipulating symbols that are supposed to be sacred, and causing untold suffering to their victims.

Manipulation of the Ankh (Egyptian Symbol for Life):

Upsidedown Ankh Indicating Upsidedown Life in 2012Ankh in Correct Postion of Life in Correct Position

Here are two pictures of an Ankh. While there are multiple meanings attached to this symbol, it is the mostly used to represent the word “life” in Egyptian hieroglyphs, and it happens to closely resemble the commonly accepted symbol for female. What does it imply when this symbol is upside-down? Has anyone noticed how, in 2012, life seems to be upside-down? In a so-called free country, laws protecting our freedoms have been severely restricted. The Catholic Church, which is supposed to be a spiritual organization, has been indicted on child-trafficking charges? The Catholic Church, at the Vatican, has eight obelisks, imported from Egypt at Vatican Square, and five ancient Roman obelisks, so they are indeed using symbols of an Egyptian heritage. How spiritual is it to sell children into slavery to be victims of mind control? Is it also possible that the images of the tarot have had some impact on the state of our world, depending on the year? I am reminded of the oft-quoted statement by Michael Ellner: “Just look at us. Everything is backwards; everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the major media destroy information and religions destroy spirituality.” Is it any surprise that this upside-down state of the world has reached a pinnacle in the year 2012, considering the image of the upside-down person on the 12th trump of virtually every tarot deck, and considering the symbol for life is upside-down in at least two decks, which have rapidly gained in popularity, over the past few years? If everything is upside-down in and around 2012, what happens in 2013? The 13th trump of every deck is the Death card, which is yet another graven image from theTarot. This indicates that those born on 12/12, 12/21, or also 12/24, since the 24 is 12+12, have been metaphorically and metaphysically, close to death.

Law of Attraction and Memes:

If both chaos theory and quantum theory, as applied to metaphysics, illustrate how what you focus on becomes attracted to you, as is discussed in movies like The Secret and What the Bleep Do We Know?, then is it possible to program someone into attracting negative things by using symbolism in negative ways? How can one overcome such an amplified vibrational effect? Is it also possible that, with so many people studying the tarot, do readings for other people, developing their own decks, and so many people repeating the same patterns of symbolism in their versions of the tarot, that those archetypal energies become amplified? I submit that the Tarot are decks of glorified flash cards, tools used for the apparatus of Mind Control, causing certain negative memes (a term coined by Richard Dawkins) to run rampant in our world. From Wikipedia: “A meme is an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture. A meme acts as a unit for carrying cultural ideas, symbols or practices, which can be transmitted from one mind to another through writing, speech, gestures, rituals or other imitable phenomena. Supporters of the concept regard memes as cultural analogues to genes in that they self- replicate, mutate and respond to selective pressures.” The rising popularity of the tarot has allowed certain memes to pervade in our culture, possibly contributing to the negative situation in our world today, where so many of us now lack those freedoms we once took for granted. I should Splayed Apart Ankh=Bad Magichave known things were getting ugly when, on the back of someone’s running shoes, I saw the image of the ankh, being splayed apart. Did someone have a specific intent in creating that logo? Is someone tearing life apart in that logo? Fertility? Women? I have to wonder how many of these shoes are currently in circulation, and how many people have repeatedly focused on that image, thereby generating a very negative meme. As a meme, that image would cause serious problems in life, given the meaning of such a symbol.

Is there any way to stop these negative memes from replicating in people’s unconscious lives?

Archetypal Transference:

Many people in our society believe that astrology has an impact on people’s lives and personalities. This effect has been seen often when comparing a person with their astrological sign. For example, Scorpios are known to be kind of cruel, while Leos are known to always take center stage in any situation. This effect has been studied at length, but the effect of the Tarot on people is much more subversive and subliminal, and lesser studied. Most people use the Tarot as a guide for telling a person’s future, although C. G. Jung was one person interested in studying the archetypes of the Tarot in relation to one’s psychology, which is where “Archetypal Transference” comes in. Many people believe in what Jung called the “collective unconscious”. Could this be how Archetypal Transference is achieved? With so many people using the Tarot these days, is it possible that these images become more amplified in the collective unconscious? I suggest that this is why I and others born on 12/12 have felt so cursed and mistreated throughout their lives, especially as we have approached the year 2012.

Symbolism in Language:

Mu, the first syllable in the words "music"

The First Syllable in the Word, “MUSIC”, 12th Letter of the Greek Alphabet

Lest the reader doubt my understanding of symbolism, please note how the word television is symbolic of  “telling a vision” and how the word music (mu and sic being two separate words in the English language) is a combination of the words MU: “12th letter of the Greek alphabet”, and SIC: “as intentionally so written”. This can be viewed as the vibration of the number twelve being “as intentionally so written”. This is symbolism in its most basic form, as found in our everyday language, which has its effects on the most fundamental level, influencing the way we view everything in our lives, including other people. In my life, it seems to have manifested in the profound way music affected me, but then also, it often seems like my own subconscious has also affected much of the popular music in some ways. I say this because so much of the music I am hearing lately reflects things in my own programming. Some other examples of negative symbolism in the language includes words such as Bill, Chill, Mill, which contain the root word “ill”, in them, and Bow, Chow, Sow, which contain the root word “ow”. There are many other examples of this.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies:

I have been living under this archetypal curse my whole life, without ever knowing about the Tarot, and archetypically, my whole life has seemed upside-down. It seems to have caused me to be spiritually sick. I am not the only person born on 12/12 (“a meta-twelve”) who feels like they have been living under a curse. It would be interesting to do a study on those born on double digit birthdates, to see if their lives have related to the corresponding trump card of the Tarot, depending on the deck. For those born on a date such as 1/1, (“meta-one”), the 1sttrump of just about every Tarot deck is the Magi card, which would be advantageous to anyone born on that date. In my case, my having a “meta vibration” has been a curse, having a severe impact on my life, but is connected to more than just my birthday, which had the effect of tying me to the Hanged Man card; my name, which dehumanized me, due to my initials spelling the name of an animal (C.A.T.); and my adoptive mother, who, despite the fact that she never invested any time or love in me to speak of, always berated me and compared me to others in a negative way. These things had what is called a “butterfly effect” (a concept from chaos theory) in my life, hence the image to the right, from

Monarch Butterfly Cat

Monarch Butterfly Cat from http://www.tigerpixie.com

http://www.tigerpixie.com. There was definitely a purpose behind this curse. I cannot help but wonder if this Tarot curse is a way of artificially handicapping a select group of people, somewhat like what is described in the Kurt Vonnegut short story entitled, “Harrison Bergeron”, but in a metaphysical, rather than physical, way? Could I have been involved in the so-called “Monarch Program”? It is a hard truth to avoid, given that I have implants in front of each ear (photos below), and my whole life seems to have been orchestrated. I have found one other person born on my birthdate, who has also said he felt like his whole life was cursed. What must be noted is the effect of “self-fulfilling prophecies” on a person’s life. For example, when I was in the first grade, I scored in the top 2% of my class for IQ, but my mother gave me so much negative reinforcement when I was growing up, that I was lucky to graduate with a C average and a very low self-esteem, thus resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Is it a coincidence that my mother’s maiden name was such that it became “Nay Gaeta” once she got married, and had a “negator” effect on my life? I mean, how many times can you call your child stupid before it begins to take a toll on your child’s IQ, which has already been artificially handicapped by what is illustrated in the below paragraph.

Reversed Polarity:

The following is an example of one way that this curse manifested itself in my life: When I learned how to write, I was made to be right-handed, against my, God-given, natural, inclination to be left-handed. I was a good kid, so when the girl teaching me how to write told that being left-handed was evil, I endeavored to be right-handed, in an effort to make sure I would not end up being evil. Studies in stroke victims have shown that a stroke in the left hemisphere of the brain affects something on the right side of the body, which in turn, shows how one hemisphere of the brain generally controls the opposite side of the body. Having me write against my God-given, natural tendency reversed my polarity, so to speak. This is evident in the fact that I was originally a very positive and loving child, but ended up as a negative punk by my teenage years. I have known several people who were allowed to keep their natural left-handedness, and I found them to have more tenacity, will power, and perseverance, which are gifts that I have found lacking in myself and others that I have met who were naturally left-handed, but were made to learn to write with the right hand. In fact, the people I know who, like me, were originally left handed forced to be right handed, have all the creative tendencies of most lefties, but have blocks that keep them from being able to express their creativity. My being a “lefty turned righty” is a manifestation of the reverse effect of the 12th trump, and it had a negative impact on my life.

I believe this forced change, against ones natural tendency to be left-handed, could have far-reaching implications, which have not truly been studied, to my knowledge. I believe it could possibly alter one’s destiny, and cause someone, who is originally a naturally positive person, to become a very negative one. Since it would obviously take some time for this effect to work on the mind of the child, they would never know why they became so negative, and would wind up blaming themselves for their feelings, thoughts, and behavior, but had they been allowed to retain their natural left-handedness, their life might have ended up quite differently.  Taken in combination with what I mentioned earlier, regarding a negative upbringing, it could have disastrous consequences on the development of an individual. This concept doesn’t even take the archetypal memes from the Tarot into account. I see this as a result of my own experiences and observations. Could it really be that difficult a concept to grasp? Did I not take the same psychology classes in school as my peers did? Did I not see the same studies about strokes and the brain that others have?

Perhaps my theory about left-handed people made to be right seems far-fetched. However, I think that the fact that a stroke in the left hemisphere of the brain affects something on the right side of the body is enough to warrant some sort of serious investigation into the subject. Even if only taken on a subliminal and metaphoric level, one has to consider that making someone be right-handed against one’s natural left-handed inclination would be, symbolically and literally, taking someone out of their “right mind”.

Archetypes and the Meta Effect:

I had lived most of my life, lacking any knowledge of archetypes, symbolism, astrology, the Tarot, metaphysics, etc., yet these things still had a huge impact, effecting various events in my life, including, but not limited to: the way my own adoptive mother treated me, the way doctors treated me, the way friends and relatives treated me, and the way employers treated me, despite the fact that I was usually the best producer at my jobs. I always assumed that my negativity was the result of a lack of parenting, or me missing my father’s presence in my life. While those circumstances certainly contributed to my emotional problems, I can see how the archetypes installed in the Tarot had their metaphysical effect, not only on me, but also on my adoptive mother, due to her birthdate being 4/4. I believe it is the double digit birthdates that are the most influenced by the Tarot because they are what I would call “meta” birthdays, and are the most influenced by the trump cards. I use the term “meta” relating to the metaphysical, which means, “beyond the physical”.  For example, I would be a “meta-twelve”, and my mother would be a “meta-four”, no pun implied, although metaphorically, her life followed patterns in the 4th trump of the Thoth tarot deck too closely for it to be a mere coincidence, which is why I don’t blame her. I have noticed that those born closest to or on those double digit dates have lives closely reflected in the trumps of the tarot, but also in their corresponding court cards.

The Catholic Church and the Rosy Cross:

12th Trump from The Hermetic TarotThe image on the left is from the Hermetic Tarot. It also shows the upside-down ankh, and the serpent above (or below) the head of the figure. On the left of this card is an image of the Rosicrucian Cross, which is very similar to the image on the back of the Thoth deck. Given the word Rosicrucian means “Rosy Cross”, and their affiliation with the Catholic Church, it does not surprise me that, as stranger actually yelled out to me in the street in 2009, that I could’ve been sold into slavery. I believe that is very possible I was sold via my adoption though Catholic Charities, just to be made into a ritual sacrifice. While I cannot blame Catholic Charities directly, it becomes hard for me to deny that such a thing could’ve happened to me, especially when you realize that many people sell their children into experimental programs, and many agencies have been caught in child trafficking. In this card, from the Hermetic Tarot, is the trident symbol for Neptune, which is usually associated with the devil. Since my astrological planet is Jupiter, the fact that there is a symbol for Neptune in the 12th trump of this deck, tells me that someone purposely put the energy of Neptune near the already upside-down figure. The fact that I had a near drowning at 3 years old, and that many ritual abuse and monarch program victims experience a near drowning at that exact age, tells me that it is no stretch of the imagination to consider that I am the victim of ritual abuse, chosen precisely because of my birthdate, in connection with the various occurrences of that number in our culture, in the Bible, and in the Tarot. It is my understanding that the ritual drowning at 3 years old is done to open the child up to spirits and demons. There are over 1,000 Tarot decks in existence today, with untold printings of each deck.  In terms of quantum mechanics, the sheer number of those cards, with that upside-down vibration, would amplify the energy of that vibration, possibly affecting anyone born on this date, even if intent wasn’t involved. However, if someone intentionally used occult magic to tie an unwitting victim to specific cards and/or decks of the Tarot, while keeping the victim unaware of it, except on a subconscious level, the victim would inadvertantly attract negativity, never understanding the reason. They would always feel like something was terribly wrong in life, never really being able to pin point why. I cannot avoid the reality about the state of our world, regarding how natural resources are stolen from one country by another, and how corporations steal ideas and harm people, it is not too far of a jump to imagine someone using occult magic on a person, in order to cause a state of misery, thereby generating compelling and creative ideas in the subconscious to be gleaned from the victim and channeled to certain supported people in the music, television, and movie industries. It fits right in with the way so many very wealthy people have attained their wealth by profiting from other people’s suffering. If I had never seen these cards until my late thirties, how did they have such a strong impact on my personal life? Could it have something to do with Chaos Theory, Quantum Mechanics, and/or the Collective Subconscious?

The Fool:

If a person born on 1/1 has the attributes of the Magi card, a person born on 12/12 has the attributes of the Hanged Man card (renamed “The Dying God” in the Thoth deck), and a person born on 4/4 has the attributes of The Fool Card from the Thoth Tarotthe Emperor, then what birthdate comes closest to representing the Fool, whose number is 0? Could the 12/12, being the highest meta-birthdate on the current calendar, also be the fool? Could the vibration of the Fool card also manifest itself in the person born on 1/1, being the next meta-birthdate after the 12/12? What is odd to me is that many of the items displayed on this card apply to various issues in my life. In this image, I see the following items: the dove, which is supposed to mean “peace”, which is what I was trying to achieve; the horns, representing the implants in my head; the monarch butterfly, which should be obvious to he read, as it represents the Monarch program of mind control; the bluebird, representing the Bluebird mind control project and/or project Bluebeam; the sun right at the crotch, representing the burning/electrocution sensations in that area I suffer from; the DNA/lizard/winged disk, which has to do with everything I had been learning about, including that darned tattoo on my back; the character holding the crystal because I used to study crystals and work with them for energy healing; also holding the wheat, representing when I was learning about herbs ad their medicinal value; the bag of runes, which I had just begun to learn about; the gator at bottom, representing my mother whose maiden name was Gaeta; the grapes, representing either grapes of wrath or wine or both; the Tiger biting the leg, which is really strange because I have sensations on the left leg, as if something is biting or pinching me there; the flowers I don’t want to discuss; the two babies at the bottom represent two people enjoying the results of the pain I am suffering from, which from what I understand, are freemasons who have what is called “full access to the seether”, thus making me “the seether”. Those two babies are babies because they refuse to see the truth of how they are accessing their inspiration.

The OTO, the Cabbala, and the Rosy Cross:

Back of the cards from the Thoth Tarot deckWhen I lost everything, I was just beginning to really make an effort to make a positive change in my life. Knowing that I had serious, but subconscious issues in my life, I had to look inside myself to uncover what went wrong in my life, so that I could try to correct myself, not knowing about the curse I had been living under. Not satisfied with the way I was raised, I was determined to be better to my daughter, than my mother had the ability to be to me. It seems cruelly ironic that my whole life fell completely apart when, and the way, it did. It happened at a point when I first began to learn, apophatically, how I wanted to raise my own child, and it also happened right at the point that I began to have memories surface of the way I was mistreated. So that, when I made a conscious effort to become a better mother, my child was taken away from me, as if some force did not want me to change the negative pattern that had been set into motion long before I was even born. It seems like there has always been some force in my life, making sure that  would never have a fair shot in  life, tying me to this particular deck of cards, which sadly enough have the Rosicrucian Cross on the back of each card. To me, it seems obvious why the left arm of the cross is blue, and the right is red. Taken on a political level, the connotation is obvious. Taken on a verbal level, well, that connotation is obvious as well.

Here is a photo of the actual Rosicrucian Cross, which represents the struggle I am currently going through. Rosicrucian CrossWhile it obviously has some Christian symbolism behind it, I can see a Cabbalistic influence in the bottom, by the colors, as related to Malkuth. At the risk of sounding a bit vulgar, I must mention this in current terms, i.e. the word mal meaning:  Both crosses show blue on the left (right to the viewer), and red on the right, implying that red is “right”, and blue is “wrong”. So while the OTO, to which Crowley belonged, has the bottom of the cross as navy in color, the RC cross shows the same area as green, brown, olive, and black, which are the colors of the lowest sphere, kingdom, in the cabbala, which is Malkuth. Consider that name, and what the first syllable “mal” which carries a negative meaning (“bad, wrongful, or ill” from http://dictionary.reference.com) in almost every word in which it is the root, at least in the English language, which is the most accepted, language spoken, in most countries. Incidentally, one of the spheres of the Kabbalistic Tree is called “Chokmah”, which phonetically denotes a malefic intent, as in “choking ma”. What I think people don’t understand is the phonetic symbolism involved in mind control, in addition to symbolism. I remember an author, M. Tsarion, speaking of the group called the Atonists in relation to the number 10, which makes me think of how the Kabbalah shows the kingdom, Malkuth, as the 10th sphere (connotating that the atonists are ruling the so-called “kingdom”, a scary thought indeed); however it is still at the bottom. In the Cabalistic Tree there are either ten or eleven spheres. They often omit the 11th sphere, called Da’ath, which is connected to Knowledge. I have to wonder if they, like those who instigated the event on 9/11 which destroyed the twin towers in NY, as well as tower 7 (a number associated with God and luck), were involved in this, specifically because they do not want justice (the traditional 11th trump of the tarot) or knowledge to exist in our world. Considering how I have become targeted, I have to wonder if everyone involved in my targeting also feels Cabalistic Tree of Lifethis way- like they want no justice. The 11th sphere in the Cabalistic Tree of Life represents knowledge. Perhaps those targeting me, those involved in my smear campaign, do not want either knowledge (truth) or justice to prevail.

Missing God:

I had been missing God in my life, as well as my parents, and I had become a rather negative and dark teenager, which I believe, opened me up to something very negative. Because of my parent’s behavior, which contradicted the tenets of the bible, I grew up very confused about God. We went to church, but only until my parent’s divorce when I was 8 or 9 years old. Throughout my childhood, my parents were rarely around, leaving me in the care of various nannies, while my parents were still married, and left alone after their divorce, making me easily influenced by others, especially men. Untrusting of the Bible in general, due to its treatment of women, I had an overall, mistrust of religion. My state of misery in life led me to believe that perhaps God hated me and cursed me himself. After learning about the Tarot, specifically the 12th trump, and its uncanny connection to my life, which has been metaphorically upside-down, events and situations in my life began to make sense. I no longer believe that God has cursed me, and in fact, might’ve tried to protect me via the Bible, with the commandment regarding, “Graven Images”. It seemed to me like this had been done to me on purpose, to make me some sort of a sacrifice, because of what this curse eventually led me to do.

MK Ultra and the Serpent in the Tarot:

Ironically, when I consider my situation, I am reminded of a couple of songs by the band, aptly named “Muse”. These songs are “MK Ultra”, which describes a specific mind control program, and “Unnatural Selection”, because it seems like I was selected at birth, via a catholic adoption, so that my whole life could be engineered to keep me down, upside-down, and unconscious, unnaturally, so that some others could benefit from the emotional turmoil generated by such a state. I was being mentally and emotionally drained for real, meanwhile, I would see others being gifted with my own thoughts and feelings, and would watch them profit from my Hanged Man card from Ludovica Tarotsuffering. The image to the right, while not from a deck, is a painting done by Ludovica Wing Shuen Price, which seems to illustrate what I have been going through. Her work can be found here: http://www.elfwood.com/art/l/u/ludovica/the_hanged_man.jpg.html. Again, we see an upside-down ankh, the Egyptian symbol for life and fertility. The serpent, connected to the head of the Hanged Man card (the 12th trump) in at least 2 tarot decks, seems to have allowed either the serpent class, or Satan himself, to have direct access to my subconscious mind, on a metaphysical level. The fact that I have seen so many movies and television (tell-a-vision) shows, and have heard so many songs that have an uncanny relation to aspects of my life, tells me that this could very well be the case, regardless of how bizarre this may seem. While I love the music and the movies that show some of my own story (because it’s never the whole story), it still makes me angry to have been stolen from in this metaphysical way. So much has been stolen from me, that no monetary award could ever pay it back, although it sure would help.

It seems to me that Crowley and Harris, the creators of the Thoth tarot deck, and those who followed some of their patterns, were the cause of what could be a type of metaphysical slavery, caused by chaos magic, whereby the serpent (or serpent class), who is placed at the head of the victim in the 12th trump, has unauthorized access to all creative ideas and inspiration, brought about by the upside-down condition of the victim in this card, to be used and changed anyway the serpent/thief sees fit (through music, movies, and/or television), to make it less obvious to the victim that it represents some aspect of his or her life. Given what people now know about the amplification of a vibration, is it any wonder that someone born on 12/12 would have issues? What is worse is the fact that my numerology has me as an 11, which is supposed to be a so-called “master” number, but if your birthdate is 12/12 (which pushes the upside-down or reversed position), it becomes a bad combination. In the Tarot, the 11th trump was normally the “Justice” card, but in the Thoth deck it was changed to “Lust”. While I cannot point to the reason that I have been so closely tied to the Thoth deck, it seems to have had its impact on my life as well as my mother’s (4/4).

Metaphysical Rape Plus Implants Equals Scapegoat:

What is mentioned in the above paragraph, if even remotely applicable, is tantamount to what could be called “mind rape”, and is what I refer to as a “Meta Crime”. Yet, it is not the worst result of the precarious situation in which I was placed, at my birth and without my knowledge. The most disturbing effect of the circumstances of my life is that my turmoil eventually led me to do exactly what mind control, via programming and occult magic, had set me up to do. Before I continue, I must mention that I have discovered what I can only believe are possibly RFID implants (images below), one in front of each ear, because I am now hearing voices and receiving some sort of energetic vibrations through them. Is it possible that these two nodules in front of each ear helped to push me over the edge, by being conduits for subliminal messages, influencing my mind during my sleep? Was it not enough that I was living under this curse my whole life? It is a miracle that I didn’t end up much worse than I did. I say this at a time when, while there are actual murderers and rapists running free, private people who aren’t breaking any laws are now being electronically harassed and targeted by directed energy weapons. In this way, 2012 is turning out to be an upside-down year indeed. Below are photos of my RFID implants, which possibly helped to put me in the miserable situation I now find myself in today. Since I have discovered these implants, I have become a target of the most hideous nightmare, making me wonder if I was some unwitting participant in a government mind control program, whereby they were used to input subliminal messages into my mind during my sleep, possibly triggering me to do things that I wouldn’t have done, had I not been mind controlled.

Implant not shown until I pull back on my earImplant with circle to indicate locationImplant on left side with circle to indicate location

As you can see from the first two images, these implants cannot be seen until I lightly pull back on my ear. Voices coming through these implants tell me that I am a demon or the devil himself, saying that these things are horns. Well, if anything, I was made a scapegoat at birth, sold into slavery via a Catholic adoption, implanted, so that some nefarious force could then manipulate me into being emotionally damaged, and get those around me to believe that I am something I’m not: evil. I have had a professional psychologist try to tell me these things in my ears are keloids, but keloids are scars that are raised above the skin. Here is a photo to prove my point. Keloid Example

If they are implants, when were they implanted? If they aren’t implants, then what are they? I have heard voices coming through them since 2008, however, I have no idea of how long they have been there, and so they may have been influencing me on a subliminal level my whole life. Since I was held in custody of the agency for the first 6 weeks of my life, they may have been implanted very shortly after my birth. I was allowed to play in the woods by myself at the ages of 6 and 7, so I could have been abducted for the procedure during that time. It might have happened when I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was 17 years old, under a general anesthetic. However, it could have occurred much later, during a dental surgery in 2001 or during a cervical cone biopsy in 2004, both under general anesthetic. That being said, I believe I would have felt some pain in the area if they were put in at any time other than my birth. They say that babies don’t feel pain at birth. I believe this is a lie, and the truth is that babies feel pain and repress the memory of it. At any rate, it is very possible that I was under some form of post hypnotic suggestion when I made the gravest mistake of my life, for which I am continually begging God for forgiveness, on the grounds that I was not in my right mind when I did it.

My Gravest Mistake, Done While Searching for God:

What was the gravest mistake of my life? Dare I say it? I preface the admonition with the desire for the True and Just God to know everything behind such a rash decision: the fact that I felt so separated from God throughout my life; the fact that I had previously undergone certain traumas which had been repressed in my memory, but obviously had the effect of torturing my mind on the subconscious level; the fact that I was living under an occult curse my whole life; the fact that I was held in custody of Catholic Charities for the first 6 weeks of my life, causing attachment disorder; the fact that my God-given natural left-handedness was taken away from me; the fact that I never had any stable caregivers in my youth; the fact that I spent the second half of my childhood in a virtual “house of mirrors”; the fact that I was suffering from an attachment disorder caused by my adoption and the lack of parental influence; the fact that my own mother had me selling hotdogs at construction sites in a bikini, when I was 14 years old; the fact that I was raped when I was 16 years old by a man who was 21; the fact that my mother allowed me to be prosecuted for a crime I didn’t commit when I was 17; the fact that I had been mistreated by authorities and medical professionals throughout my life; the fact that I was implanted without my knowledge or consent; and the fact that I was overburdened with too many responsibilities, in an unaffordable and chaotic house after my daughter was born, which is when it happened… all of these things had an influence on causing me to make a huge mistake in my life, that would change everything. I bring these things to the surface in an effort to prove to God why I deserve forgiveness.

Of course, there are other variables involved in my decision. I was involved in an online spiritual group, which I now see was not quite that spiritual. I joined the group because I had been learning about Reiki and other energy healing modalities. It was called “Wingmakers for Humanity/Masters of the Shamballa 1024” (which is no longer active), and the leader, named June, was some sort of spiritual predator, who, after I had been in the group for about a year, posted that she was altering people’s merkabas and using a technique known as “mind-bending”. At one point, she even said she was “harvesting souls”, which is downright evil. Since then, I have heard of an online group known as “Freedom from Mindbenders”, which is now also no longer active (at my last check), which concerns me. I have to note here, that almost every female in that group was suffering from some sort of chronic pain. While in her group, this woman was sensitizing people to programming in movies, said she was doing energy work on people like Hillary Clinton (when she was running for president), and was encouraging members of the group to judge people for their behavior.

I had been searching for God, and reading all these things on the internet about how Enki was this Sumerian deity who loved human beings and wanted to help us. I had read an abundance of information, which convinced me, in my chaotic state, that the name “Satan” was a name given to the true God, by the false religion of Christianity, which has the history of The Crusades, in which people were tortured and murdered for their beliefs. I had also read about a location in the Middle East that was actually called “Satan”. Given that my whole life had been engineered by some very nefarious forces, to be aligned with the Thoth tarot without my knowledge, I was confused and easily misled. I signed a contract with this entity, believing that he would help human beings, including myself, to reach a connection with God. It seems to me that knowledge was kept from me my whole life by cursing me in this way, so they could later get me to sell myself out, by using symbolic and predictive programming, knowing that I would be seeking out the God I felt I had been missing my whole life.

I believe that none of this would have happened, had I not been so metaphysically tied to that tarot deck, and had I not been implanted with RFID chips in my ears, allowing for subliminal messaging. There are too many images in that deck that relate to my life in very specific ways for it to have been an accident. This is why I feel it was an occult curse put on me, as a newborn. Considering the fact that there is a serpent at the head of the figure on the 12th trump, tells me that someone knowingly allowed Satan to influence me throughout my life, without my knowledge.  I have been told that Satan cannot “steal” souls, but this is certainly what has happened in my case. This is why I am appealing to the True and Just God of the Universe, the one who loves truth, to see every one of the circumstances in my life that led me down the negative path, and to allow me into heaven, or at the very least, to not allow me to go to hell.

My Mother, The Emperor:

The Emperor card from the Thoth TarotMy mother was born on 4/4, and her birthdate tied her to the 4th trump of the Thoth deck, specifically. This image of the 4th trump shows various people in her life, symbolized by the figures surrounding the main figure, who is “The Emperor”. The two rams behind the figure represent the two Aries in my mother’s life, who supported her. My grandmother died and is shown in the transparent ram, while my father was still alive when my mother died, and is shown by the more opaque ram. The two, eight-point stars on either side of the emperor figure represent my brother and my cousin, both born on 8/4. The lamb at her feet must represent me, because I supported certain causes, such as the baby harp seals, and the environment when I was young, and this is shown by the flag. The ball in the emperor’s hand is represented in my mother’s life by the fact that she was an avid, trophy-winning bowler. This is a powerful figure, and my mother had power in her life, seemingly attracting whatever she needed. Near the end of her life, she was driving a Cadillac, bought for her by an ex-boyfriend. In this card, she is looking away from me, and I am on the floor, at her feet, symbolic of how she always put me down, even as a small child, but never invested much time in me, to help me grow up to become someone she could be proud of. Is it a coincidence that the figure on the 12th trump has their legs folded in the position of the number four? Is the poor victim in the 12th trump trying to tell people that the Emperor is responsible? If my mother never saw these cards, or was not an adept in the occult, how did they have such an exacting impact on her life? Could it have something to do with the sheer number of these decks in print, in relation to the collective consciousness?

The Devil was Screwing Me (Pardon my French):

The following is another example of how this Tarot curse manifested in my life: I was an aspiring artist, who had enough talent to be given an art scholarship by the instructors at the school I was attending. Given the fact thatOne of Three Magi Cards from Thoth Tarot my initials spell CAT, I find it cruelly ironic that my career and my life were destroyed by a fellow student with the last name of “Skinner”, when she introduced me to a drug called heroin. I would eventually see her steal my ideas, and use them for her own advancement. Additionally strange is how this person, who helped to destroy my career, looks suspiciously like the person on one of the three Magi cards of the Thoth deck. The card I am speaking of, to the right, is the one with a woman standing behind an image of a winged disk, so that it is directly in front of her crotch. The winged disk looks suspiciously like a tattoo I have on my back, which alludes to the fact that this woman “screwed” me. When I got the tattoo done, I had not yet been aware of the winged disk or its connection to Egyptian or Sumerian lore. Was I mind controlled into getting that tattoo, so that it could be used against me later?

The Devil card from the Thoth TarotWith that in mind, and the way the 12th trump of the same deck has the serpent connected to the head of a victim, please take a look at the next image with the consideration of an intended satanic influence over a victim’s mind. This image is the 15th trump of the Thoth deck, which is called “The Devil” card. To the left of this card is a shadow that strangely reminds me of the Millenium Falcon in the Star Wars movies, and to the right, is a shadow that reminds me of a pose I have seen of Kate Bush, wherein she is perched upon something in just such a position. The winged disk, which looks suspiciously like to my tattoo, is directly in front of the devil character. Regardless of the meanings of these cards in a personal Tarot reading, each time someone sees these cards, as with any image or symbol, the deeper, metaphysical meaning of it is subconsciously inserted into the mind. This is what might have happened to James Holmes when he saw the Lil Wayne Video of his song appropriately called, “My Homies” (photo at top of document). This concept then begs the question: “Is it possible that every time someone views these cards, they also go into the collective subconscious, along with their intended subversive meaning, created by an occult theocracy?”

Abandoned, and The Trauma Begins:

Things had been looking up in 2008, or so I thought. After a lifetime of disappointments, including the loss of my art career, I was finally finding my niche, or so I thought. I was writing articles for a company that sold crystals on the internet, a job which I truly loved, even though I wasn’t paid what most article writers were getting at the time. While most people writing articles on the internet were getting up to $700.00 per article, I was lucky to get, at most, $60.00. Still, I loved and appreciated my job very much, and it allowed me to stay home with my daughter, who was around 2 years old when I started that job.

In less than two years, everything came crashing down, and I found myself living in a foreclosed house, with no power or water, in acute and constant physical pain. The cause of this was the fact that in 2008, I began to hear voices that told me I was a kind of “Virgin Mary” and that I would receive an immaculate conception from God (funny how I played the Virgin Mary in a school Christmas pageant when I was around 7 years old). I know it sounds crazy, but given those photos of the implants in my head, it doesn’t seem so crazy anymore. At one point, I actually could feel something inside of me, making me believe it had actually happened, but was told that an archangel did it to me. Was I programmed by the Catholic religion, when I was too young to remember, for this to happen to me later in life? Like a fool, I began to tell certain people that I thought it was really happening. Of course they all thought I was crazy. The voice told me that it would come and get me, but that eventually, we would all get together again, with our correct soul-mates. My packing my things in preparation for this was what pushed Jerome over the edge and made him have me Baker Acted. I found myself in a state-run mental facility. I felt like my mind was falling apart. Jerome would try to have me locked up three times, which would then cost me my job.

My psychosis was artificially induced by these voices through the implants. Later, after being abandoned in that house, the voice would then convince me that I was some kind of Jesus and had to be sacrificed. Then they would tell me I was an angel. All of that reminds me now of a band called “Jesus and the Mary Chain”. When that was happening, I was not yet aware of the occult curse, under which I had been living, and how it caused me to make the gravest mistake of my life. Once Jerome left, the house went into foreclosure, the power and water eventually were shut off. I was then only able to see my daughter once a month.

As I lived in that house, with no power or water, for at least 2.5 years beginning at the end of 2008, I was suffering the worst pain of my life. During the first 3 months of it, I was literally on the floor screaming. The pain started in September, and in October, I went to a neighbor’s house to call an ambulance. It was at this point, when I began to notice how people in the medical profession were mistreating me, and had been, even when I was younger. Apparently, I had sublimated those memories, because I didn’t want to believe that my whole life had been orchestrated in this way. In the emergency room, that day, I was told that, although I didn’t have a venereal disease, they were going to treat it like one and send me home.

At that time, I was going to a clinic, to try to get some help. I was in solid pain, and in order to get rides, I had to kiss one of my neighbors, which was debasing. Sometimes, marijuana would help my pain, but the only way I could get some was to kiss a neighbor. Currently, I am not on any type of pain relievers and refuse to do anything illegal, despite my severe and constant pain.

While I was living in the foreclosed house, I had to collect rain water in storage bins, to keep myself relatively clean. I could only eat items that did not need to be refrigerated, and kept a few things that were refrigerated at neighbor’s houses. When I did cook, I had to use a gutted toaster oven, with the pan or pot on top, and a fire of newspaper and tree limbs inside the gutted part. In the hottest weather, I had to wear only bra and underwear with windows wide open to ward off heat exhaustion. Who knows who might’ve been peering in those windows. In the coldest weather, I had to sleep with at least twenty candles burning, to keep from freezing. I inhaled allot of smoke during those times, and suffered a great deal of trauma, including the event where I was terrorized by a helicopter for a solid half an hour in the middle of the night. I would collect decent items that were being thrown out to sell at garage sales to make a few bucks to survive off of. Once in a while, on the coldest nights, a neighbor would let me stay on his couch, but only if I kissed him, which was humiliating and added to the traumatic effect of the whole experience.

It was during this time that I was hearing voices, making me believe that God was talking to me. I was so miserable at that time because I felt abandoned by everyone. My own mother wouldn’t let me come and stay with her. I am not blaming her, because I know people thought I was crazy. I heard a voice tell me to purchase the Thoth Tarot, which I did after some garage sales to work up the money. When I began to look at those archetypes, I realized that my whole life seemed cursed by them. As I mentioned above, it is as if all those decks, with their archetypal memes being digested by all those people, further infected the collective unconscious and intensified the Hanged Man’s deleterious effect on me in the more recent years. I see this as one of the biggest reasons why the Bible states “No Graven Images”: Because these graven images become archetypes, which then engraved onto the collective unconscious, and effectively destroy (or at least hinder) many people’s freewill. Unfortunately, most people do not read the commandment that way.

It was also during that time when I felt like something was etherically raping me. It seemed to do something to my mind. The voice told me it loved me and would come to rescue me soon. I don’t know if I was being poisoned, if the implants were working on my subconscious mind during my sleep and my conscious mind when I was awake, or how they were able to mess my head up so much, but they did. Every day while I was living in absolute poverty with hardly any money to my name, I would hear the voice of someone I truly admired saying they were coming to rescue me. It was always, “I’ll be there tomorrow, I promise”, or “I’m coming tonight, don’t worry”, but the rescuer never showed, and I felt more and more like committing suicide, but knew that I couldn’t. So it seems in my case, mind control had been done on me using both the occult and technology.

I Hope God Loves the Truth:

Given what has happened and what is still happening to me, I feel I am being attacked by demonic entities, yet part of me thinks that this isn’t about God, religion, demons, or about anything spiritual. I say this because the Bible speaks of God loving the Truth. If this were true, then I would not be suffering in this way right now. If God really does love the truth, then that being would not allow me to suffer eternally because of what some very cruel and adept people designed, using the tarot. It is very possible that the conspiracy theorists are correct in that there is a certain portion of the population that is being culled, sold at birth, often through adoption, as sacrifices to some very nefarious beings out there. By putting implants in our heads, they could easily influence us throughout our sad lives, on a subliminal level, during our sleep, so that we would never have any tangible proof of the fact that we have been victims of some very evil program. We were selected at birth, to be cursed and mistreated, so that we would eventually become negative, so that certain people could then justify writing us off later on, handing our names over to those they call “gang-stalkers”. I have come to this conclusion after being in contact with several individuals, who have been suffering just as I have, who have spoken about their parents, being overheard having meetings with some people who then argued about said child, behind closed doors. I personally am aware that my adoptive father had some secretive dealings, in which he would turn off the dome light in the vehicle, before opening the door to get out for a meeting with someone, which tells me this might be the case for me as well. This tells me that the so-called game was always fixed, and that certain people were allowed to reap benefits from those of us who were suffering at the hands of the occult theocracy, which used occult, metaphysical strategies, in addition to orchestrating circumstances in the victim’s life, such as, dealing with authorities and doctors.

In my case, my interactions with authorities included a record from my life that was supposed to have been expunged, since I had met all the requirements in order to do so, yet years later, I found that it had not been expunged. Regarding doctors, I remember seeing a doctor who gave me a pelvic exam for stomach problems, and then left the speculum in for 45 minutes, while he left the exam room. More recently, I went to the emergency room for severe pelvic pain, and they recorded “belly pain”.

Pope with Upsidedown Cross

Beginning to notice a pattern here?

The Vatican denies there is any negative intent involved in the use of this upside-down symbol (of course), by saying it represents the crucifixion of St. Peter, however, it is my contention that the use of this symbol in this position, which is seen by millions of people who visit the pope, exemplifies and amplifies the upside-down nature of religion in general, but especially when it is an organization so involved in child-trafficking as the Catholic Church is. Being adopted through a Catholic agency, and knowing how the Catholic church has been indicted recently for child-trafficking, I cannot ignore the possibility that I was indeed sold into slavery to be some part of a very nasty plan, designed to keep certain people from having any true freewill, which means that the contract I signed was not done of my freewill, and therefore, I cannot legally or spiritually, be held liable. The ends do not justify the means, in my opinion, and it goes against God’s will and/or natural law, in that human beings are supposed to have freewill, a quality that I was never truly given.

There are those in this world who speak of “Christ consciousness”. What happens when one tries to embody such a thing? While much of my life was lived negatively, as a result of this whole upside-down vibration enforced upon me with intent, when I did truly try to embody this thing called “Christ consciousness”, something, some energy came in, as if to try to stop me from being the good I so wanted to be.

Double Bind – Double Cross:

There is something common in mind control programming called a “double-bind”. From Dictionary.com: “Psychology- it is a situation in which a person is given conflicting cues, especially by a parent, such that to obey one cue is to disobey the other.” From www.laingsociety.org: “A second variation of the double bind involves a situation in which a person is chastised for a correct perception of the outside world. In this situation the child will learn to distrust his own sensory awareness in favor of the parent’s assessment of the situation. One example would be the child who is raised in a violent household but is expected to see his parents as loving and peaceful. In later life this person will have a difficult time determining how to behave appropriately in a variety of situations. Indeed, this person will spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to decipher exactly how he “should” interpret the situation.”

For more information on how symbolism has been used to destroy lives, please see Michael Tsarion’s video entitled, “The Subversive Use of Sacred Symbolism”. Then please notice how the person delivering the lecture is wearing a double cross, and what that might mean. In this lecture, he states that studying the tarot can both help and harm people. By studying what are truly graven images, these people are amplifying an energy that sacrifices people who do not deserve to be sacrificed. They may not even realize what is happening, for all I know. Keep in mind, that while I greatly admire his work on one hand, I now have a deep mistrust of those with any amount of authority, even if only on an intellectual level.

Life on Life’s Terms Without Freewill:

I would add to this, that there is a fundamental double-bind problem in the Bible, for any Christians who think that believing in Jesus as the “son of God” will save them. The Torah has set rules for living, including ritual blood sacrifice. Christians believe that Jesus was the last blood sacrifice, and there is no need for the practice anymore. Therefore, the person who is being triggered constantly by monarch-type programming, to believe that they are a ritual sacrifice, might feel that the way things are set up is unfair, and that they have not been granted freewill. This feeling will be called blasphemy by those involved in gang-stalking or using electronic harassment against the victim, using the bible as the standard. The victim of a set-up, such as the 12th trump could have never truly had freewill because their whole life has been upside-down, making it impossible for them to “live life on life’s terms” so-to-speak, because life’s terms have been completely skewed for them, which makes this a DOUBLE-BIND. Having a person metaphorically and metaphysically upside-down, allowing the serpent to drain them of the fruits of their labor (being attached to their head), is slavery on a level unknown to those who are not adept in the occult.

The Tarot, with the 12th trump, also advocates such a thing, especially in the Thoth, and Hermetic decks, where there is a serpent (representing the serpent class), sucking all creativity and inspiration out of the head of the upside-down person, which ends up in multiple songs, T.V. shows, movies, in various forms.

In the Thoth deck, the 12th trump is also called “The Dying God”. Does this show a Neitzche-esque negative and subversive occult intent?

For more information on the use of symbolism in mind control, please see Michael Tsarion’s video on the subject, with discerning eyes. While he brings attention to a serious subject, I differ from his point of view High Priestess Card from the Rider-Waite Tarotregarding
a few things, the most notable being A) the Egyptian hieroglyph for female is
most certainly not an image of a serpent (which is what I have seen him say in
one of his lectures, rather it is an image of a female, sitting down; and B)
the tarot could not have influenced the Torah, since the tarot has only been
around since the 1600s at the earliest, and the Torah is believed to have been
written around 1450 BCE. The image to the right is the High Priestess card from the Rider-Waite deck, which was first published in 1901. That being said, the video, “The Subversive Use of Sacred Symbolism”, which can be found on YouTube, is packed with information about symbolism, which is how I first became aware of the symbolic aspect of Mind Control.  As a result of the so-called “sacred” symbolism of the Tarot, I have found that my life lacked any true freewill. I have to ask myself the following question: Did the amplified vibration of the Tarot, due to so many printings of these graven images, in relation to my birthday and my numerology cause me to become reversed from my natural tendencies, even as a child (i.e. lefty turned right)? It certainly had an effect on my mother. At the risk of being labeled by those who support astrology and Tarot, it seems to me that, for anyone to truly have freewill, we would have to abolish both the Tarot as well as the astrological signs as applied to birthdates, to avoid the unnatural archetypal transference that seems to infect many. While they may indeed be interesting works of art, I have seen how they had negative effects on me as well as others. Looking back on my own life, I know that I created some very angry and therefore ugly art, possibly as a direct result of being metaphorically upside-down. So, as a result of the graven images that affected me, I also created graven images, for which I am truly sorry. An interesting side note here is that my original sign would have been Ophiuchus, which is a very strong sign, and had it not been removed from the zodiac, I might have had more of a chance against this curse.

Ophiuchus: The MIssing Constellation

A Remedy, Anyone?:

So what is the remedy for such a thing? I have read numerous articles stating that freewill is an illusion. In my case, this certainly seems true. I have been suffering as a result of my lacking any true freewill, due to the graven images of the Tarot. If there is no freewill, then a reasonable, true, and just God would not hold the victim of such a curse responsible for their reactions to this curse. In fact, I would venture to say that the reactions were involved in the agenda for creating the Tarot in the first place. Creating, and placing such importance on, these archetypes would seem to destroy freewill with pervasive memes. I would hope that in the end of it all, all would be forgiven, since no one, especially living in the years surrounding and including 2012, which have been affected by the negative memes resulting from possibly millions of printings of the 12th trump, the Hanged Man, or Dying God in the Thoth deck.

Despite the facts surrounding my adoption through a catholic agency and the fact that the Catholic Church has been indicted for child trafficking, I have so far been unable to get any help from so-called victims advocate groups online. There seems to be a great deal of money in making people into ritual sacrifices, because it seems like every official or representative has been bought off in some way, to keep people like me from getting any real help. I seem to be living in some sort of occult nightmare, in which those people, who are in positions to help people like me, do not care to do so.

By the way, this:

Ophiuchus: The MIssing Constellation

Is also this:

The Dying God

I welcome any suggestions for a remedy, given my situation. What I am suffering is not unlike what the hero is going through in the book called, “Tales of the Ubermensch”, which can be found here: http://www.talesoftheubermensch.com

For more detailed information on the symbolism of the Ankh, please see the following website: http://www.holoweb.net/~liam/pictures/ankh/ankh.html

For some really good information on the “double bind” concept, please see the following Wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind

Tags: 12th trump, Hanged Man, Occult, Ritual Sacrifice, Decalogue, Lil Wayne, “My Homies”, Graven Images, Colorado Shooting Theatre, Batman Premiere Shooting, Symbolism, 2012, Meta, metaphysical, mind control, Ankh, Sacred Symbolism, “Subversive use of Sacred Symbolism”, metaphysical sabotage, metaphysical tyranny, muse, mu, sic, music is two words, English language and symbolism, Tarot, Satanism, Ritual Abuse, Satanic Ritual Abuse, metaphor, Spiritualism, Chaos Theory, Quantum Theory, Butterfly Effect, Crowley, Thoth, Rosicrucian, Hermetic, Ludovica, spiritual torture, Occult Magic, Occult Theocracy, Double-Bind, Metaphysical Rape, Mind Rape, Spiritual Rape

Born Into Slavery

Born Into Slavery

In 2009, I was told by a complete stranger on the street that I was “sold into slavery”. Given the events of my life, and the fact that I was adopted through a Catholic agency, it is not out of the realm of possibility. It did not take me much research to learn of the history Catholic organizations have with child trafficking, dating back in the 1960s, at least. I have been told that I was sold into slavery with the specific purpose of being a ritual sacrifice. There is no justification for what was done to me.  There may be more to be added to this document in the future, but I wanted to get it out before I die, or am imprisoned for some crime I haven’t committed. I fear this might be done in order to silence me. I have found myself to be a TI (Targeted Individual), but given the events in my life, I feel I have always been a target.

Before reading this, I would like you to have an answer to a common question I get from people who doubt what I am saying is true. I have had people ask me, “Why you?”, “Why would they pick you?”, and my favorite, “What makes you so special?”

Here is my answer: Why not me? I mean, if I am part of some experiment, does that question have any relevance at all? You might as well ask why Harry Harlow picked a particular monkey to be used in an experiment, or what made Dr. Jose Delgado use that particular cat for his experiment with brain stimulation? I was adopted & the records were sealed, so I

This is from an  experiment done in the early 1950s, where a cat was made to lift its hind leg in response to brain stimulation.

This is from an experiment done in the early 1950s, where a cat was made to lift its hind leg in response to brain stimulation.

don’t know if my birth mother was from some bloodline or not. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding my adoption. Just being adopted through a catholic agency puts one at risk for being stolen, which then puts one at risk for becoming an unwitting participant in a human experimentation program. Of course, I am not implying that all adoptees are victims of nonconsensual human experimentation, only that they are at a greater risk for it, since their records are often sealed.

I do not know how long these implants have been there. I believe it may have been done to me when I was a newborn, during the adoption process. I suspect this to be the case, since I was in a hospital for a period of time after my birth, & since I never had pain at the cites of the implants. They go all the way through the cartilage in each ear. I need to have a doctor look at them, perhaps with a CT, MRI, or PET scan, although I prefer to have at least one of them removed. Since I have lost my job and have no insurance, this is hard to do. It doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to truly help me with this. Here are the photos of them:

Implant Right SideImplant Left Side These are photos of my implants….

RFIDRiceFingersComparison This is an image I found at “lovingenergies.com, showing the size of RFID chips.

In 2008, I began to audibly hear what is being transmitted through these implants. I also found myself in near constant pain in my privates. The psychologist I saw, since I was made to appear delusional, tells me that I just have to live with the pain, but this is not really living. When I told her about the implants, which are very provable, she replied that they could be keloids, which are scars. This not possible, considering what keloids look like versus what I have on my ears. These are keloids:

Keloid Example

                           Example of Keloids

Keloids are ON the skin, while what I have is clearly UNDER the skin. I hear voices through the implants, and I also feel what can only be described as “impact sensations” through them. I had one person tell me that they were cutaneous horns, but those are also on the surface of the skin, not under it. Given the fact that I was adopted through a catholic agency, it is very possible that these implants have been with me my whole life, since the Catholic church certainly has more than one black mark on it’s record concerning it’s treatment of children.

When I discovered my implants in 2008, began to uncover my memories, and notice how orchestrated my life has been, I became a target for the worst kind of character assassination. I lost my job, my family, my world. I was abandoned in a foreclosed house, in which I lived with no power or water for almost 3 years. No one would help me, and the only way I could get a ride, or a warm place to stay during the coldest winter nights was if I allowed certain men to kiss and/or touch me.

I believe the implants in my head have been a major part of my problem throughout my life, & that, had I not been implanted, my life would have turned out very differently. A little research into the work of Dr.s Jose Delgado & Ewen Cameron (to name a couple), whose work in mind control goes as far back as the 1940s in some cases, will show that this is indeed possible. It is not only possible, but very likely, that these implants have been delivering subliminal messages throughout my life, or at least throughout their existence in my head. The proof is in the photos above. No one can say I am delusional regarding their existence or their placement in my head. I hear voices throughout them telling me I am a demon, or Satan himself, and that I am being killed & sent to hell. How’s that for a mind #@*!? I also hear high-pitched tones (on one side or the other-not ringing), and feel impact sensations, coming through these implants that I cannot seem to get a doctor to look at. Sometimes, the voices will tell me I am going to be framed for something, but I am a completely law-abiding citizen. Voices that were once subliminal are now broadcast 247 into my head to keep me in terror by calling me a criminal even though I am breaking no laws, telling me I am marked for death, going to jail, that I am just food, etc. At one point, I was at an amusement park with my daughter watching  show, when I felt a directed energy weapon attack: it felt like a hot poker going into my back and straight through my left lung, which I am sure is done to make it look like I died of lung cancer.

I must be a victim of either MK Ultra or the Monarch program, not only because I have had programming terms spill out into my conscious mind, but because it simply looks like my entire life has been orchestrated for the specific purpose of making me negative and to turn me away from God. At any rate, I can show that I have not been allowed much “freewill”, and its ending result was one of catastrophe. I am not even sure “freewill” even exists, hence the quotations. I urge any target reading this to read it completely, and then examine your own life to see how you may have been manipulated in relation to your name and/or birthdate, especially in regards to music and movies, as well as the tarot, used as a programming device, as opposed to a fortune-telling device. I am the victim of what can only be called Mind Control, regardless of what program was used. Taken separately, the events of my life may not look like Mind Control to most people, but when considered together, it cannot be denied that what happened to me was a classic PSYOPS experience or experiment, resembling The Truman Show, except in my case, I was debased, debilitated, and dehumanized on a fundamental level, whereas in the movie, they show the main character was raised by loving and attentive parents. After what I have learned about myself, and what I have witnessed in this country and the world, I am now forced to consider that the kinds of things that were done to me are occurring, in some level (even if a more subtle level), on a global scale, in order to make the whole of society unbalanced and unwell, and thereby easily manipulated by the hidden ones in power and the power structure. I am not writing this to disrespect my parents, which will be seen as my story continues below, as I know they too were controlled by this machine.

I have learned that certain occult brotherhoods, interested in making blood sacrifices, will force a woman to give birth on a certain day. I believe that my birthmother was more than likely induced to have me on 12/12, because of the predominance of that number in our culture, and its association in most tarot decks. I was adopted at 6 weeks, but I remember a photo of my father holding me and I looked like a newborn, which makes me think I was premature. They would do this to make sure that I would be weak and more easily manipulated.

In addition to that, I had the classic near-drowning at 3 years old, which is a well-documented event in mind control.

One thing that makes me believe that I was mind controlled to be negative is the fact that I was forced to write with the right hand, against my natural inclination to be left-handed. This was done by telling me, when I was learning to write, that left-handedness was evil. If the right hemisphere of the brain generally controls the left side of the body, as evidenced in studies of stroke victims, what does this imply for someone who is naturally left-handed, but forced to be right-handed? Is it possible that doing this to me could have “switched my poles”, causing a bright and intelligent child to slowly lose her natural God given gifts? Is it also possible that switching someone’s natural handedness could make them negative, less intelligent, unbalanced, and emotionally unstable? I believe it should be looked into. I believe that changing my natural, God given, left-handed nature caused me to lose ambition, creating a state of apathy & confusion, over time, and is at least partly responsible for my negativity. This is evidenced by the fact that when I was in grade school, I had a high IQ, and was in the top 2% of my class, but over time, my grades fell dramatically. I was lucky to graduate high school with a C average. While my mother’s negative influence in my life is, of course, partly responsible for this, I would have most likely been more self-motivated, had I been allowed to keep my natural left-handedness. This could also have something to do with what I document next.

There are many who believe that the tarot can be used to tell someone’s future, and others who would say it is meant to help people work through their psychological issues, but given my story, and how much it relates to a certain tarot deck (A. Crowley’s Thoth deck), I find myself thinking that these images had an unnatural and cruel programming type of an effect on my life, as did many other things in art, music, movies, and TV. After a certain amount of detective work, I have learned why.

“Life imitates art far more than art imitates life” –Oscar Wilde

As I mentioned earlier, I was born on 12/12/1967. I think it is very possible that the assignment of the number 12 in the trumps of almost every tarot deck, in addition to the prevalence of the number 12 in the bible and in culture, has also had a subliminal effect on me throughout my life, having a specific impact on my ego. In the tarot, the 12th card of the major arcana is usually The Hanged Man, an upsidedown person. Due to the patterns of my life closely relating to the Thoth deck, I feel that I may have been programmed with it. I have met one other person with a 12/12 birthdate, and he also feels like his whole life has been cursed. I certainly cannot deny the possibility, given the fact that my adoptive mother, born on 4/4, had a life that mimics exactly the 4th trump in that deck. In the Thoth deck, the Hanged Man’s right foot is tied to an upsidedown Ankh, which is the Egyptian symbol for life and fertility. I find it sad that my ideas about life and fertility were always skewed in this way, although I had not known about this card for the majority of my life. As far as I know, I had never seen it, however, I must now question if I was shown this card in my youth, as some part of a mind control program. I only say this because of its serious and deleterious effect on my life. While I knew of my birthdate, I never really associated myself to that number on a conscious level, rather I have always identified with the number 3, possibly because I was baptized Catholic and received first communion.  I have to wonder if being born on this birthdate has affected others in similar ways, but I suspect that it depends on how the person is raised (including trauma in early childhood) in addition to their birthdate, name, numerology, tarot correspondences, and astrological sign, in addition to whether they were part of this mind control program that I seem to have been put through.

When one takes into account the occult nature of those who would be involved in such practices as MK Ultra and the Monarch Program, it is very possible that the tarot was used in conjunction with dark magic and mindcontrol, to create a peculiar pattern in my life that closely resembled the energy of the Hanged Man card throughout most of my life, causing me to blame God for everything in my life, turn away from the church given its history of killings and hypocrisy, and eventually sign a contract with a character named Enki (a Sumerian god), whom I was mindcontrolled into believing was the true God. I was only searching for the One True God of the Universe, and everything the churches were seen to be doing turned me away from them. By forcing my life into such a negative pattern (inverted-like the Hanged Man card), as you will see if you read this whole document, it was easy to turn me away from the God of the bible, making me believe that the bible lied. Given how the images from the tarot have affeted me & other people I know, however, I now understand why one of the commandments states, “No Graven Images”.

Here are pictures of the, The Emperor and The Hanged Man, from the Thoth tarot:

4th Trump of the Thoth Tarot deck

Adoptive Mother’s Card, because her birthdate was 4/4

While it seems that we have all been mind controlled to some degree, I see my case as slightly different from most people, only because of my mother’s 4/4 birthdate and my 12/12 birthdate, and how they were used against me. My mother’s card, The Emperor has so many symbols relating to her life that it was impossible for me to ignore. There are two rams (Aries) behind her (they “had her back” so to speak): the one on the left, representing my father, who always took care of her even after the divorce; and the ghostly one on the right, my grandmother who is deceased. The figure has one 8-point star in a circle (eight balls?) on either side, which represent my cousin and my brother, both born in August, whom she regarded fondly. The lamb at the bottom, represents me, from whom she was always looking away. This lamb is holding a flag, & one could say I was a flag waver for certain causes, such as Greenpeace (back in the 1980s). The Emperor is holding a ball with an equal-armed cross on it, so it is a coincidence that my mom was a trophy-winning bowler?


In my case, The Hanged Man is nailed down and unconscious, symbolizing how I have been unaware of what has been happening to me my entire life. Already mentioned is the fact that the figure is hanging upsidedown, from the Egyptian symbol for life and fertility, which shows how my entire life has been inverted. The fact that the figure has no clearly definable genitalia (just a lump of flesh in that position), is significant of castration, symbolic 12th Trump Thoth Tarotof the pain I am in today and have been suffering from since the middle of 2008. The serpent in the card represents the serpent class (or satan), connected via rays to the figure’s head, makes it seem that they are able to read my thoughts, to be displayed in some altered form, in movies, TV, but especially in music. One example of how my life has been played out in some form in music can be seen in the Beatles’ song, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”, where George Harrison sings: “I don’t know how you were inverted.” Another example would be the Kate Bush song, “Experiment IV” (4th trump=Emperor), in which she describes “a sound that could kill someone from a distance”, which relates to all the negative energies sent to me from my adoptive mother with that 4/4 birthdate. It is already well known that mind control is often addressed in music & movies. One thing I want to note here is that the things they are doing to mind control victims are played out in music in movies, so that when anyone complains of the effects of targeting and mind control, they can be dismissed as delusional (“Ah, you’ve been watching too many movies, man”). However, all one has to do is see how, even some political candidates, such as Connie Marshall (KY), and celebrities, such as Randy Quaid (his case told on YouTube), are now complaining of targeting, to understand that this is anything but a delusion.

12th Trump of the Thoth tarot deck

For some good information on targeting, see: http://hrvcanada.blogspot.com/2011/10/connie-marshall.html.

It was not long after I discovered the effect on me from the tarot that I began to see the symbolism in certain words. Notice, for example, the following words: Bill, chill, mill, kill, till, all have the root words “ill” in them; and how the words bow, chow, cow, pow, sow, all have the root “ow” in them. It might

Mu, the first syllable in the words "music"

The First Syllable in the Word, “MUSIC”, 12th Letter of the Greek Alphabet

mean nothing, yet it could still have a subliminal effect. I looked up the word “music” as two distinct words; mu and sic. Taken individually, they are defined as follows: Mu– 12th letter of the Greek alphabet, a lost continent in the Pacific Ocean, an opiate receptor, among many other things, and is a root in many words in the English language; and Sic– Intentionally so written, As written, A command to attack (as in “sic the dog”). That being said, one also has to take into consideration the sound of the word, “music”, as in “muse sick”. When I think of these definitions, and the way my life has been, I realize that my life seems orchestrated by some unknown entity, and I am praying that God would not do this to an individual. For example, my initials happen to spell “cat” (although my mother has confessed to not really liking cats), and when I was in school to be an artist, a woman entered that school, with the last name of “Skinner”, and somehow she was able to end up with many of my ideas without me telling her. I see this as related to the phrase, “skin the cat”. Later, she would introduce me to heroin at a vulnerable time in my life, which helped to ruin my career.

My initials, C.A.T., seem to have been given to me, with the specific intent of dehumanization (possibly as part of this sick experiment). I have read that many

Monarch Butterfly Cat

Monarch Butterfly Cat from http://www.tigerpixie.com

survivors of the Monarch program are given “cat alters”, although I am not a multiple personality. I do think I have repressed memories, since I have heard programming break through to my conscious mind. I am a Mind Control victim who was adopted (as some would say, “sold into slavery“) through Catholic Charities, but was held in the agency’s custody for the first six weeks of my life, creating an attachment disorder, causing me to be a very emotionally needy child. Unfortunately, my adoptive parents were either unable or unwilling to fill this need. I ask myself why my mother would me name me something with the initials spelling CAT, when she never really liked cats. My parents had a natural born, ten year old boy when I was adopted. My mother’s maiden name was Gaeta, so when she married, it became Nay Gaeta “negator”, which is a cruel symbolic irony regarding the effect she had on my life. She was in her thirties when I was adopted. She smoked three packs of Parliaments a day, which is possibly why she had two miscarriages before I was born. She used a method of child-rearing, common in the 1960s, which advocated leaving the child to cry and/or scream for hours in the crib without responding. This method of caring for a baby is cruel, and I cannot imagine why anyone who loved their children would do this. I am sure that it causes or contributes what is known as “attachment disorder”.My parents were upper middle class, so in the absence of love, they gave me material things. My father, working a job that kept him out of town frequently, wasn’t around much, and I felt his absence. Although she seldom had to work, my mother was also never around much, leaving the raising of me up to myself, and various nannies that would come and go during the first nine years of my life. My brother, who was ten years older than me, was usually away at boarding school. I had the classic near-drowning at 3 years old (common among Ritual Abuse victims), and I am told that my brother saved my life when I was found floating face-down in the pool, although considering the accounts of RA victims and participants (who are also victims) throughout the world, I now have no idea what the real truth is.  In any case, it is possible that this was a ritual drowning, done to bring me to a near death experience, which would then allow for spiritual and demonic influence in my life, or easier mind control.

My brother has told me that our mother was caught shaking him when he was a baby, and had to be watched, which is why we ended up with nannies during the first eight or nine years of my life. If this is true, I have to wonder where our nanny was when I fell out of the crib during one of those times when I was left to scream in the crib, by myself. That being said, I do know that my mother had an obvious mean streak in her (The Emperor-remember), and I did witness her beating on my brother when I was around five, and he was fifteen. I know she was beaten by her own father, and I suspect she was sexually abused as well, so I am not trying to show disrespect for her or my father, as I know they were both victims of their own programming, as were their parents before them.

My parents got divorced when I was around 9 years old, and I took it hard because I really needed my dad in my life. My dad moved out of state, and my mother and I moved out of the family home. We ended up in the place where I spent the second half of my childhood, in a literal house of mirrors. This is why I call it PSYOPS (PSYchological OPerationS), because living in a house of mirrors during my childhood had a direct psychological impact on me. We had mirrored bedroom suites, mirrored coffee table, mirrored wallpaper, a mirrored pedestal with a steel sculpture, mirrored sliding closet doors, mirrored shower doors, mirrored art on the wall, mirrored tissue dispensers, mirrored cotton ball holders, and even mirrored outlets and switch plates. I am not exaggerating here. There was only one room in the house that didn’t have this décor, and it still had one big mirror on the back wall, behind the bar. I know this had an effect on me as a child. After reading the book about mind control, by Fritz Springmeier & Cisco Wheeler, I learned about the use of mirrors in mind control, it just seems to have been done differently in my case.

By the time I entered my teens, I became a rebel and got into the punk music scene, which only fueled the fire, so to speak. While I was never a racist, I did end up doing some very negative things, but I never committed murder. I was involved in some ugly behaviors with friends though, such as playing around in graveyards. The lack of a father figure left me easily influenced by boyfriends, throughout my life. Since my mother was never around when I was growing up, and when she was, she mostly gave negative feedback, I had very little encouragement, causing me to be lonely and angry. I felt bullied by her for the most part. She gave very little love, and just seemed to want to spend all her time with her friends. She was an avid bowler (see the image of the 4th trump of the Thoth deck above), and would drag me to smoke-filled bowling alleys. She smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day throughout my infancy and childhood, keeping a smoke-filled home & car, which not only gave me asthma, but also a nicotine addiction. Instead of trying to reason with me, my mother would yell at me for bad behavior, with the following recurring theme: “You are stupid, stupid, stupid, and you’re never going to amount to anything!”, among other similar negative feedback patterns, which is, of course, more PSYOPS (as if the mirrors weren’t enough).

I have forgiven my parents for what they did because I know they must be victims of their own programming, or were coerced into adopting me and leaving me alone throughout most of my childhood, possibly as part of the experiment. My parents may have been unwitting participants in the scheme that I have witnessed occurring in my life, being victims of their own upbringing, so I have forgiven them, but I cannot forget the fact that neither of my parents were around much when I was growing up, which caused me to be quite emotionally needy, a quality that helped to destroy my life before I ever had a chance. There are many children who have suffered through similar divorce effects in their lives, however, the implants, the mirrors, the near-drowning at 3y/o, the adoption, and the symbolism I have referenced are simply too much for me to chalk up to a “child of divorce syndrome”.

Although I might’ve been guilty of taking a few dollars from my mother here and there, during my teen years, I never stole large amounts of cash from her. When I was 17 years old, however, I got accused of stealing her wallet, which had $800 cash and her credit cards. While I know I did not do this because I fell asleep and woke up on the phone with my boyfriend at the time, she allowed the police to take me in for questioning, who then coerced me into a false confession. I don’t know if the police just wanted a scapegoat, or if this was a part of PSYOPS done on me to make me fear police and other officials so I would be afraid to go to them for help. It also made me more of a rebel. This event helped to ruin my relationship with my mother.

When I began to have memories resurface about mistreatment in my life, I became a target for what is known as PSYOPS, COINTELPRO, and Electronic Harassment. I began to hear voices through the implants on my head. At first, they sent me positive messages, making me feel loved and cared for, but this soon turned to horrible and cruel words, designed to make me very sad and negative. Any professional I see wants to make me out to be schizophrenic, but won’t even do me the courtesy of getting these things on my head examined by a medical doctor. This tells me they are either in denial or are criminally negligent.

My mother was involved in a class action lawsuit against the tobacco companies which was won back in 2008 (or so my brother told me). My mother has passed away, and during the height of my breakdown involving the voices coming through my implants, and while I was living in that foreclosed house without water or power, my brother got me to sign over executorship of my mother’s estate. This leads me to believe that something fishy is going on. If anyone cares, please say a prayer for me. While me standing to inherent a large sum of money that a particular tobacco company might not want to pay could be one reason for my targeting, the implants in my ears lead me to believe this has been going on since my early childhood.

As noted, there may be more to this document to come, but I wanted to get it out before I die, or am imprisoned for some crime I haven’t committed. I fear this might be done in order to silence me.


“The Hidden Evil”, by Mark M. Rich: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7UjwZXfLpG6UFpiNUQ0dDJjSlE/edit?usp=sharing

Adoption Scandals/Child Trafficking: http://news.yahoo.com/forced-adoptions-for-unwed-mothers-around-the-globe.html

“Brainchips”: http://www.wireheading.com/delgado/brainchips.pdf

Excerpts from Dr. Jose Delgado’s “Physical Control of the Mind”: http://www.biotele.com/delgado_%20ebook/chap13.htm

Ewen Cameron Brainwashing Case: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/montreal-woman-seeks-compensation-in-50s-brainwashing-case-1.670151

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